Downfall

the winter of my discontent

2007-01-26T01:00:00.000+08:00

Just when I'm just feeling drained, tired from gymming, aching like crazy, not having any new year's clothes to wear, and then the honours project looming with 4 weeks of crunch time, and her...

And I know it's late, but thanks Jun...

Sigh. *grits and bears it*

rememberance on account of their scars

2007-01-19T00:06:00.000+08:00

All this will go into the museum of my memory, the mausoleum haunted by ghosts of dire pasts. I lie there, my heart numbed, each beat a whisper of a secret nobody knows, but so soft like transparent gauze - nobody knows it's there, and nobody's there to hear them. But the mind races with a hundred thousand dreams of what ifs - and a million maybes, frozen within the body unmoving, unable to react to the stimuli of hindsight, a billion chess moves ahead, but no way to use them.

I'm so stuck in a moment I could very well sell glue.

That being said, this is tehemoblog only because I've nobody to really whine to that hasn't heard the entire story before. So here it goes.

as low as those highs can go

2007-01-18T00:18:00.000+08:00

I sometimes wonder if I'll end up totally wearied and bitter and faded and jaded and cruel by the end of it all - I don't claim to be the most patient person around, but sometimes it just gets really trying. Seeing that I'm actually considering the possibility of this happening to me just really scares me a little.

I do see the promises and the potential - but just as I too see my frailties and failures. And above all I wonder, in the end, how all this strain will end up affecting everything.

and the cookie crumbled

2007-01-13T23:53:00.000+08:00

I guess it's pretty liberating to know that I'm no longer writing for an audience of one (sorry Alanna, but I hope you understand what I mean), and so each sporadic post feels a lot more free to just... go on any tangent I want to, and I guess it's quite clear where the tangent lies right now. Suffice to say certain peoples have no idea I've restarted on this blog, or have at least shown no signs of the realization, as simple as finding this blog might be.

(First is the moment where you think you think it.)

It's probably only love when you know how to respect that person, to forsake pleasure which will lead to regret, and to prevent the regret that will hurt the future. It is rejecting the many moments for forever, to no longer count the moments, but to look at the future that is no longer a moment - it becomes the everlast.

(There's the moment you think you know it.)

I thought I saw it before, I glimpsed it I think, but all that lights and flares were just warnings, and then like a moth to a flame, I got burnt by the incandescence of artifice.

(There's the moment where you know you know it, but you can't yet say it.)

Sometimes it's important to divulge certain aspects of my thought processes with a certain verbosity, if only just to sound entirely obscure (but not), but to also flex my brain muscles in entirely wrong ways.

(And then there's the moment where you know you know it, and you can't keep it in anymore.)

I'm not especially emo - things are really coming along, day by day, as they generally come along, ups and downs, hills and dales, but it's those times when suddenly everything seems quiet, when nobody's around, and suddenly it feels like I live in some darkness, and I fade into everybody's background - a hundred other open windows above me. I'm very thankful to find solace in that I'm never truly alone, no matter how often it feels that way.

Anberlin
Haunting

Up on this hill, in this uncanny house
The wind makes this place creak
The lights they are flickering
The moon she is lurking
The clock it stopped working, at a quarter past three
There's something dancing, here in the shadows
And I wish it were us

You haunt me baby, you haunt me here tonight
You haunt me baby, you haunt me here tonight
Tonight
Tonight

Can't get your memory off of my mind
Just want your heartbeat on top of my mine
There's something dancing, here in the shadows
and I wish it were us

You haunt me baby, you haunt me here tonight
You haunt me baby, you haunt me here tonight
Tonight
Tonight

Up on this hill, in this uncanny house
Your spirit I can't see but I still believe,
I can feel your breath on me

You haunt me baby, you haunt me here tonight
You haunt me baby, you haunt me here tonight
Up on this hill, in this uncanny house

you know it's crazy, but it's true

2007-01-02T10:05:00.000+08:00

Ended off the first day of the new year having a really long conversation with the girl, something we hadn't really had the chance to do so for a really long time. I'd of course wanted to usher in the new year with good wishes and tight hugs, but it was not to be. Being able to talk so long and so well with someone is really magic - there is no other word for it, not supernatural, especially since everything just feels so natural - but of course, one must not let it be confused with the haze of meeting someone new, the constant joy of discovery, of mapping unknown regions. It is joy to constantly be able to not only learn old things that become new in your eyes, but also to be learning new things for the person - watching as an covert darwinian machinery does it work, and the person changes, is moulded, evolves, but yet remains the same. I am still constantly amazed and flabbergasted.

Talking to someone special makes my heart sing, a little chorus that is finally in tune. Spending time with makes my heart warm, the fireplace there finally having the soot dusted off. Being close becomes something natural, like snowflakes or summer rain, like vines entwining, or buds blossoming.

So as we take our time to explore an ersatz professional relationship... I know it won't be easy, but I also know it's do-able. I'd survived 24 years without, and another 24 years isn't an impossibility. This is possibly the price I (continue to pay) for being in some bizarre love triangle (again).

I've never had a proper chance to blog about all this, and this does not even begin to excapsulate the situation by far. I could delve further into hyperbole, dig up mixed metaphors and synthesize similes to make someone smile, but... what's the point? Sometimes it's hard to explain something, and something like this even harder - especially with the situation as weird as it seems. Sometimes when people ask I'm not sure what to say...

Somehow I've simplified it to "a decision was not made", and I think it placates some people.

I steady myself, little failsafes, and I know I am surrounded both by friends who would fight my cause, and He who will lift me up as I fall. The important thing now is to trust, and to work on so many other things, so that this flawed and fragile human being can continue to be himself without having to build that shell for protection ever again.

Happy New Year!

2007-01-01T10:45:00.000+08:00

To all those who keep me in mind, worry about me, let me make you fret, to all those who pray for me and love me and care for me and would only want the best for me:

I thank you for being there for me in whatever matter or form you're in, and here's to a great 2007 together, filled with joy, peace, hope and love - let us continue to grow together.

This will be our year.
----------

And I think it's starting now! Got an email out of the blue... I won't talk so much about it right now, but suffice to say I'm really excited. Feel free to ask me what it's about.

Quite a different way to spend the new year for me - spent it dressed up (all faux retro) at my church countdown, and really had lots of fun just fooling around even with my belly hanging out from here all the way to my other blog. Then it was off to Alex's HUGE house... for a nap, on the most part, then more sleeping. Washing the gel out of my hair took ages.

----------

Right now I'm playing my good old New Year's anthem This Will Be My Year by Semisonic... It's been kinda like a tradition of sorts to play it at least once (most likely on repeat) and there's only been 1 year I didn't do it since I got the song. Interesting year, 2005. Still not quite sure what the song means, but the title line just gets me going :)

This Will Be My Year
Semisonic

Thursday’s crush is a friday night rush
And a monday morning cry
It’s the tail that you keep chasing
And it gets away every time

New years eve and it’s hard to believe
Another zodiac’s gone around
While you drank yourself high on hoping
And watched the ceiling spin from the ground

Counting down from ten it’s time
To make your annual prayer
Secret santa in the sky
When will I get my share

Then you tell yourself
What you want to hear
Cause you have to believe
This will be my year

Pound your fist and cross it off your list
But you know you’re not that strong
When the man at the stop light catches you
Singing along to a brand new song

Well maybe it’s
Trash or the overnight smash that brings your
Ship crashing through the wall
So you can make your grand departure
From a world getting way too small

One wheel in the ditch another
Spinning in the air

Put your pedal down to the floorboard but you’re not
Getting anywhere

Then you tell yourself
What you want to hear
Cause you have to believe
This will be my year

Well things aren't great

2006-12-24T21:07:00.000+08:00

But I'm guessing they could be tons worse.

It's never easy spending Christmas alone - other than the constant reminder to yourself that you aren't really alone. you aren't really alone. you aren't really alone.

you aren't really alone.

Sometimes things still don't make sense to me but I'll have to just move in faith and see where God leads me.

But still, I wish there were some way I could cheer you up - and also properly express myself. Biting my tongue for almost a year is pretty crazy. But I know I can wait.

Merry Christmas everybody, may His light shine upon your days.

you aren't really alone. He's here with you.

I'm feeling hurt.

2006-12-22T07:44:00.000+08:00

I think I'll probably blog here if I need an outlet.

I HAVE MOVED

2004-02-24T21:53:00.000+08:00

To those who haven't updated their links:

http://direcow.subtlethought.com

Are we moving?

2004-02-15T22:20:00.000+08:00

Yes

Only the Lonely

2004-02-14T00:27:00.000+08:00

Review: Last Life in the Universe.

Take Eiji Miyake (I think that's his name) from Number9Dream, a touch of punch drunk love, a dash of lost in translation, a bit of the miscommunication from Love Actually (ok, not the finest of movies to make comparison with), some trippy from Love Me if you Dare and Donnie Darko and Adaptation and remove all sense of a plot with closure. You get Last Life.
It's actually impossible to grade this thing. It's rough around the edges, the middle sank to slowness (it was generally slow anyway) and there is no real payoff, except the quiet contemplation. Christopher Doyle helps. Suffice to say I left feeling greatly impressed, if not a bit confused. I won't be grading it, except something like this:
3/5-4.5/5

Don't forget to throw in some Murakami.

That's Not how it Ends

2004-02-13T01:19:00.000+08:00

Rocco Longazzano, tired of having no friends, September 4, 2003,
What's going on here?
Maybe I read this book wrong but I'm still the loser I was before I read this book. I did what this book said to do to the t, and nothing! I think this book is terrible and wish someone could tell me how to get friends. I'm desperate here guys. When I read the book I was confident and felt assured that I had what it took, but after several attempts I had to give up.
------------------------

Rocco, my heart goes out to you. Hint: Never, ever read self help books.

Direcow's Double Review Date:

The Last Samurai:
A movie pitched perfectly, engineered with great techinical skills. Fantastic casting, especially for Watanabe. Watanabe is FANTASTIC. He is pure onscreen animal charisma. 4/5

House of Sand and Fog:
Wow. Kingsley is both regal and fallen... it's hard to describe how everybody's performance in the movie was fantastic. A sad movie, without being depressing, and it's in no way predictable even tho you know it's going to be sad. 4.5/5

One day I write review longer!

Her Softly Fading Light

2004-02-10T21:18:00.000+08:00

Direcow's 2 reviews in 2 minutes:

The Truman Show:
Jim Carrey. Ed Harris. Peter Weir. Enough Said.
5/5

Shakespeare in Love:
Where starcross'd lovers doth presume
To fall where rules must then be bent
Then refusing thoughts of love so doom'd
Onstage, woman, in great pretend

To play Shakespeare's greatest muse
And bring his thoughts on wings of love
When instead there is naught to choose
Down to Virginia she must move

The greatest love now torn asunder'd
Of Romeo and Juliet
From Shakespeare's play this show had plunder'd
Would Luhrman's be much better yet?

A healthy grade I give thus far
Out of five I give four stars

--------------------------

From pete's blog

1. X-Men
2. The Craft
3. X2
4. Swimfan
5. Fellowship of the Ring
6. Finding Nemo
7. Peter Pan (the cartoon)
8. Home Alone
9. Aladdin
10. The Ring (either one)
11. 10 Things I Hate About You
12. Not Another Teen Movie
13. Spiceworld
14. 8 Mile
15. Bambi
16. Pirates of the Carribean: Curse of the Black Pearl
17. Edward Scissorhands
18. Stepmom
19. My Best Friends Wedding
20. 101 Dalmations (the cartoon)
21. Scream
22. Scream 2
23. Scream 3
24. Big Daddy
25. Billy Madison
26. Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets
27. Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone
28. Heartbreakers
29. Dumb & Dumber
30. Two Weeks Notice
31. Scary Movie
32. Look Who's Talking
33. Blade
34. Blade II
35. O
36. Titanic
37. Carrie
38. Carrie 2: The Rage
39. Daddy Day Care
40. Legally Blonde
41. Austin Powers
42. Storm of the Century
43. Oliver and Company
44. The Two Towers
45. Return of the King
46. Mighty Ducks
47. Fast and the Furious
48. 2Fast, 2 Furious
49. A Walk To Remember
50. XXX
51. Beauty and the Beast
52. I Know What You Did Last Summer
53. I Still Know What You Did Last Summer
54. Sound of Music
55. Mary Poppins
56. Tuck Everlasting
57. The Patriot
58. The Wizard of Oz
59. Killing Ms. Tingle
60. Crossroads
61. Now and Then
62. Pearl Harbor
63. Just Married
64. Cast Away
65. Radio Flyer
66. Final Destination
67. Lady and the Tramp
68. Dancer In The Dark
69. 40 Days and 40 Nights
70. Bring It On
71. Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory
72. The Outsiders
73. The Matrix
74. Perfect Storm
75. Cruel Intentions
76. Never Been Kissed
77. Clueless
78. Bruce Almighty
79. Remember the Titans
81. Girl, Interrupted
82. SWAT
83. Sixth Sense
84. Phone Booth
85. The Lion King
86. Urban Legends
87. Nightflier
88. Lion King 2
89. Little Mermaid
90. American Pie
91. The Challengers
92. Scooby Doo
93. Bedazzled
94. Mrs. Doubtfire
95. Save the Last Dance
96. My Girl
97. American Beauty
98. Romeo + Juliet
99. Jurassic Park: The Lost World
100. Housesitter
101. Miss Congeniality
102. The Rock
103. Face/Off
104. Moulin Rouge
105. Sleeping Beauty
106. Alien
107. Tombstone
108. Lake Placid
109. The Recruit
110. The Shining
111. Pocahontas
112. Win a Date with Tad Hamilton
113. Koyaanisqatsi
114. Princess Mononoke
115. Braveheart
116. Gone with the Wind
117. She's All that
118. Heavy Metal
119. Remo Williams
120. Fried Green Tomatoes
121. Steel Magnolias
122. Fight Club
123. Star Wars: A New Hope
124. Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom
125. Toy Soldiers
126. Clerks
127. Magnolia
128. Wild Things
129. The Nightmare Before Christmas
130. What Dreams May Come
131. Heavenly Creatures
132. Frequency
133. The Others
134. O Brother, Where Art Thou?
135. Along Came A Spider
136. Annie
137. Eyes Wide Shut
138. How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days
139. Practical Magic
140. Down With Love
141. The Fifth Element
142. Donnie Darko
143. Kiki's Delivery Service
144. Big Fish
145. Chasing Amy
146. Unbearable Lightness of Being
147. Parent Trap
148. Great Expectations
149. Bridges of Madison County
150. I am Sam
151. Life as a house
152. Prince of Tides
153. Kill Bill Vol. 1
154. Bowling For Columbine
155. Elf
156. spun
157. Weekend at Bernie's
158. The House of Mirth
159. The Rose
160. Chocolat
161. Requiem for a Dream
162. Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas
163. The Mask
164. Gia
165. The Secretary
166. The Big Lebowski
167. Rushmore
168. Return to Me
169. Muppets Take Manhattan
170. The X-Files: Fight The Future
171. Moonstruck
172. Happy Gilmore
173. Mona Lisa Smile
174. Bad Boys
175. Bad Boys 2
176. The Delta Force
177. A League of Their Own
178. Murder by Death
179. The Hot Chick
180. Shrek
181. Groundhog Day
182. Liar Liar
183. The Silence of the Lambs
184. Run Lola Run
185. Devil's Advocate
186. se7en
187. Zoolander
188. The Life of David Gale
189. Swing Kids
190. One True Thing
191. Mommie Dearest
192. Chicago
193. Guenevere
194. The Worst Witch
195. Gas Food Lodging
196. Go
197. Return To Oz
198. Saturday Night Fever
199. Xanadu
200. Grease
201. Star Trek: The Motion Picture
202. Star Trek: The Wrath of Khan
203. Star Trek: The Search for Spock
204. Star Trek: The Undiscovered Country
205. Star Trek: The Voyage Home
206. Snatch
207. Murder By Numbers
208. Thirteen Ghosts
209. Grease 2
210. Scarface
211. American Splendor
212. Lost in Translation
213. Reservoir Dogs
214. Penn & Teller Get Killed
215. Man on the Moon
216. Gattaca
217. A.I.
218. eXistenZ
219. Tron
220. Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon
221. The Thirteenth Floor
222. Cube
223. Cube 2
224. Dune
225. Matrix: Reloaded
226. Star Trek: The Final Frontier
227. Avalon (aka Mamoru Oshii's Gate to Avalon)
228. Courage Under Fire
229. Gangs of New York
230. Glory
231. Good Will Hunting
232. The Truman Show
233. Millennium Actress
234. The Goonies
235. Labyrinth

What saddens me is the number of movie up there that I've burnt or shelved for watching one day.

Who on earth watched Koyaanisqatsi????? Amazing.

The 5 Best Vitamins

2004-02-09T00:09:00.000+08:00

The Boy Next Door

If I didn't know better... well...

You are a Theory Slut. The true elite of the
postmodernists, you collect avant-garde
Indonesian hiphop compilations and eat journal
articles for breakfast. You positively live
for theory. It really doesn't matter what
kind, as long as the words are big and the
paragraph breaks few and far between.

What kind of postmodernist are you!?
brought to you by Quizilla

This mind make things look somewhat different somehow. And I'm not even sure what they're trying to describe me as. (Haha, I hate postmodernism. I think.)

Anyways, links from Grace's blog.

The Sound of Yellow

2004-02-08T19:14:00.000+08:00

Direcow's 2 movies in 2 minutes:

1) Irreversible
Review: This movie tries too hard be different or clever. Spinning cameras try to empart the feeling of confusion, with images going by before you can take a second look. However, the lack of focus and reason for spinning other than to purely confuse does wound the movie. The 9.5 minute long rape scene was actually very boring, thought I realise the reason for fixing the camera there: to keep your eye on the "action", however boring it was. Plotwise the story doesn't really work, and fails to be compelling, and in the end you end up being isolated from all the characters except maybe Belluci's (who's still not pretty). As for the movie moving backwards: Memento already did it, and did it way better.
Rating: 2.5/5 (for some of the clever bits)

2) Lost in Translation
This is a little quiet, silent gem. It might not run the same way as most stories, with it never really hitting a climax but rather just simmering around until before you know it, it's done, and you're left there feeling just a little bit alone. It's definately rather pretty all round, but since we all can see where the story is going, the gravitas is perhaps a little lacking. Murray as the dry mid-life crisis dude seems to be acting as himself, the same way Jack Nicholson has been doing the past few movies. Nevertheless, this movie is a great experience, with everybody adding to a final product that a little whimsical and a little sad. It just doesn't blow you away. Pink wigs are fun!
Rating: 4/5

Am left with:
1) The Last Samurai
2) Last Life in the Universe
3) Dogville
4) 21 Grams
5) House of Sand and Fog
6) Mystic River
7) Something's Gotta Give
8) Cold Mountain
9) City of God

American Idols to keep an eye on:
Last year I watched Clay from the beginning, and I was kinda right. This time there's nobody who really stands out but here are some of my picks:
Eric Yoder: This Chris Martin lookalike seems to look like Chris Martin. Good enough for my books.
Erskine Walcott: Reminds me of Outkast, but he has that zing.
John Stevens: Johnny got jazz!
Jon-Peter Lewis: This sleepy dude seems to have the right due to bring him somewhere.
Jonah Moananu: This big guy is just so happy! Haha.
Matt Rogers: Another big guy, sings with just that extra twinkle. Will do well.

What? No girls? Firstly non of this list stands out (my original favourites are gone) and unless Cheerleader girl has changed her look... Maybe Briana Ramirez-Rial for that angst loner schtick. Haha.

Living in Confidence Intervals

2004-02-05T01:28:00.000+08:00

Ok, one down: Stuck on You.

Direcow's A Movie in a Minute
Review: Not too bad, not too good. Nice pretty babes here and there, Greg Kinnear and Matt Damon do a good job (in that order). Some parts of the story falls a little still/flat, for with no choice but to forward the story, one has to ignore them jokes. Jokes are pretty good, and strangely very PC... 2 of the jokes are seriously damn funny. One includes Frankie Muniz, the other, a bear. Probably about 3/5.

So that's one down.

AND... Mystic River is opening next week, together with and one more pretty good show, Something's Gotta Give. That brings my list to 10-1, leaving 9. And I think My Life without Me is opening soon too? Hmz.

Wish me luck.

1) The Last Samurai
2) Last Life in the Universe
3) Dogville
4) 21 Grams
5) House of Sand and Fog
6) Mystic River
7) Lost in Translation
8) Something's Gotta Give
9) Cold Mountain
10) City of God
11) Irreversible (maybe)

Guitarists are Moody People

2004-02-04T07:39:00.000+08:00

Silly me... I forgot to mention I wanted to watch Dogville (not that much) and Last Life in the Universe (which i like the title already)...

and if there's time, irreversible would feature, but I still believe it's just meant to shock. Which isn't good filmmaking to me.

We were meant to live for so much more

2004-02-03T15:49:00.000+08:00

It's happened again. The unfeeling. The termination. The alienation.

It's happened again.

Why? Is this malaise something which shall plague me for the next few years? Never by my own fault, perhaps preventable, if not for my allowing it to be left to chance.

Chance has left me.

I don't know what it's like

2004-02-03T13:00:00.000+08:00

Whoa man. Shiznit. Ghost in the Shell 2nd Gig ROCKS.

It utterly does. The first episode, at the very least, is a total winner. Fantastic stuff.

The second episode was social commentary, and got me confused a little.

But wow... wow.

Oh, and don't you hate it when you programme a very elegant solution to a problem only to realise it only works in the original test situation? And that subsequent tests only produce... zilch?

Sigh.

It's happened twice in 2 days: Once for stats and once for Amalgamate.

I know we are 7 years

2004-02-03T11:45:00.000+08:00

What? 1 Blog a week? And it's not even interesting?

It's sad, but true: My free day IS tuesday, and it's time where I can find myself alone in front of the computer. Ah well. Other factors would also include a kind of dry spot: Typing but having nothing really forming. Yeah, sometimes with something to say, but usually nothing really forms. Or that something to say was just some figment of my imagination.

I don't really remember the past week. I remember watching peter pan (again), buying comics, reading them, staying over at Kak's place for an RP, having Sam over for a tender afternoon. Not much, really to fill up 7 days, but with the unmistakable mist of boring forming this dark cloud (let's play with metaphors) which occluded my vision like high-degreed glasses for myopics or a blindfold woven from spider silk, I am unable to truly pick myself from the ground and dust the miasma of boringness from my dirty self.

Maybe it would be insulting to others for even calling it close to boring (for that's not what it truly is), so I shall rephrase it as such: The past week has been less memorable than other weeks, but still, it was a good week, if unremarkable.

What I know is that I need to (a) watch Last Samurai (b) watch Stuck on You (c) watch 21 Grams (d) watch Lost in Translation (e) watch House of Sand and Fog (f) amongst other things like reading my readings.

It really pains me to know that sometimes I'm just missing out on some really good movies just because I have nobody to watch them with me: be it because of time or money (cost). I know that not all my choices are golden (see: Stuck on You), but, well, I just love my movies. Give me a well told yarn and I'll be there. It really, really fustrates me to know that I missed out on watching Master and Commander. Now, if Academy Awards were an indication of quality (not always true see: Titanic), I've then really missed out on something big, but of course since, according to someone, trailers are everything, and hence let's not watch Troy.

After reading what I just wrote, another reason would be how stilted my language is: It doesn't actually flow. It comes in little spurts, goes nowhere, and then fizzles out. If people who write don't read here. Or something.

They sat on opposite sides of the same carriage. He was reading a book when she stepped in at Admiralty, snuggled up close against the corner of the rows of seats, trying to prevent his head from wiping against the oil from somebody's hair. The last train of the night droned towards City Hall, as she smoothed her skirt and sat down, closing her eyes and leaning back. The man looked up at her book and the woman behind it, stealing glances. He held tight his eyes, sucking in his breath, chancing another look.

She wasn't asleep, not yet, not in the bright startling lights trying to pry her lids open. Her lids fluttered as she shifted to find a position more comfortable, bag held closed to her. He pushed his glasses up as he traced her features, her vaguely bronzed skin, hair straight but ending in tight curls, tinted brown. She shifted, and he turned his glance back to his book. Not a page had been turned since she came on, nor a word read, just slowly biding his time, to steal another precious moment.

She opened her eyes, and looked around. The trains doors whistled their intentions at Bishan and buzzed closed. She glanced at him, and read the title of his book. She grinned and got up, moving towards him. His heart raced. She spoke before she sat down.

That's where it started, questions about the book, on how she'd had to read but couldn't bring herself to. Was it any good? Did he have a summary of sorts?

This went on until they reached city hall, and she went west, he, east.

(vaguely inspired by Clarissa Oon' article in Life today, very uninspired by myself and now I shall go watch Ghost in the Shell 2nd Gig)

If I stopped trying I might win

2004-01-27T22:40:00.000+08:00

Ah, another lazy Tueday afternoon. I can't really recall how much work I did today, but yeah it's mostly wasted time once again. I think I shall ban myself from running anything else other than winamp on tuesdays.

It's fun to see that, for my IT1001 tutorial, I'm basically going in with quite a few people I know already (all 6.5 of them). This might turn out to be a pretty fun tutorial, except for one thing: it does seem that our tutor sounds a little... strict, to say the least. Let's hope he's not how he sounds like. He does seem to be taking nice steps to make sure the group knows each other, but I wish he didn't put my "testimonial" right at the top. It's... scary. Especially with that shit-ugly photo of myself. Egads. But, I must strive to get noticed, and perhaps get a good testimonial this time: small tutorial groups help ensure that I hope.

At least I'll feel comfortable, and not lonely and isolated. It hurts. Suddenly just one or 2 days back, the very feeling of being totally out of it just suddenly fell over me. A miasma (lousy philo reference). I don't really know what brought it along, sadly. It's not a great feeling, but I know it well. I think I might be too caught up in all this, but yeah, it's all fine now. Maybe I've spent too many days without Sam (yes I know it wasn't even a week). Maybe it's how I suddenly feel out of everybody's loop: that suddenly everybody's off to do their own thing and I'm still standing where I was waiting to continue doing stuff I thought I was doing with them. Maybe I shouldn't even feel that way, but it's just an impression I get, nobody telling me anything. But that's over now. One thing I know is to stop waving my arms and ranting and shouting each chance I get. It's not working.

One think I know is that I think I've found something to look out for: Biology. Biodiversity is great fun. It truly makes you want to sit down and just inspect specimens the whole day, trawling the sees, triapsing through the Amazon... things like that. Nothing but the shirt on your back and some water. And a guide, preferably. Just exploring, and maybe finding something new. The missing link. Or a leech for a pet. Chasing an animal across the plains, the hills and dales, or in the desert rain.

I wonder if that's what's going to happen. I can't see my future, no.

One thing I can see is silly emails. Not silly silly though, rather, an interesting fun kind of not-silly. Maybe this belongs closer to the IT paragraph, but here it is: people emailing people to join their IT group. Fun, isn't it? Of course I do have my own group, but we'll have to see the group size too. Interesting turn of events.

Watching Dogma today, other than providing one big laugh at a point I forgot, reminded me of philosophy... when Chris Rock mentioned something along the lines of "Why did thay have to make a good idea into a belief?" I'm quite sure I phrased it very wrongly... but... yeah. Not a bad film, not at all.

Life looks fun. Keep it coming!

EDIT: I got a rant up at slackers... but it's nothing much, really.

The Pigment of my Imagination

2004-01-25T17:02:00.000+08:00

Battleground God

The direct hit you suffered occurred because one set of your answers implied a logical contradiction. The bitten bullets occurred because you responded in ways that required that you held views that most people would have found strange, incredible or unpalatable. At the bottom of this page, we have reproduced the analyses of your direct hit and bitten bullets.

You've just taken a direct hit! Earlier you said that it is justifiable to base one's beliefs about the external world on a firm, inner conviction, regardless of the external evidence, or lack of it, for the truth or falsity of this conviction. But now you do not accept that the rapist Peter Sutcliffe was justified in doing just that. The example of the rapist has exposed that you do not in fact agree that any belief is justified just because one is convinced of its truth. So you need to revise your opinion here. The intellectual sniper has scored a bull's-eye!

You've just bitten a bullet! Many people cannot accept what you have just accepted; namely, that a loving God - a God who possesses great power and insight - has created the world in such a way that people need to suffer horribly for some higher purpose. There is no logical contradiction in your position, but some would argue that it is obscene. Could you really look someone dying of a horrible flesh-eating disease in the eye, and tell them that their suffering is for the greater good of themselves or the world?

You've just bitten a bullet! In saying that God has the freedom and power to do that which is logically impossible (like creating square circles), you are saying that any discussion of God and ultimate reality cannot be constrained by basic principles of rationality. This would seem to make rational discourse about God impossible. If rational discourse about God is impossible, there is nothing rational we can say about God and nothing rational we can say to support our belief or disbelief in God. To reject rational constraints on religious discourse in this fashion requires accepting that religious convictions, including your religious convictions, are beyond any debate or rational discussion. This is to bite a bullet.

-- Basically I did this a while back, but since everybody's doing it I'll just y'all see my results. Nothing much to say, really, except their disclaimers also make the whole thing make more sense: that answers have to be yes and no instead of shades of grey, and that their world view might be different from mind.

66 thousand miles an hour

2004-01-25T12:33:00.000+08:00

You know, it's really, really unsettling when you have an awfully awesome dream when someone comes up to you and says, "hey, I think you should use -insert url I forgot- as your url. We've been discussion it and hey it's cool." No, it wasn't subtlethought or even anything on the list, but now it's never going to be on the list.

Of course, the problem is compounded when you spend your time dreaming about how you're going to be missing a lecture cos you just can't download the notes for them (downloading, might I add, from a stand alone terminal just for downloading notes on the NUS campus).

Upon completion of getting said notes, one has to then proceed (while discussing the state of the url) to go down a very tricky escalator sequence! Remember to hop from one escalator to the next, or be waylaid to utter doom! (Not sure where doom leads, maybe it's to the physics department).

Of course, to actually go to a lecture, you also need to pass through the requisite fear factor segment: sitting in a vat with a corpse for a few mintues (but I'm late!) and after that eating entire intestines (pig I surmise) raw from a vat full of them without using your hands. Of course I refuse to sit in that vat with a corpse (in which the tub next to mine has somebody, quite happily, discussing something with me, like maybe how the water's warm so jump right in.) Since I refuse, however, I wake up.

Argh! Pure animal angst! The failure to remember a perhaps winning url! And then not getting notes for my lectures! And a dream! Dreams return! What does this mean?

a) We need url.
b) School starts tomorow.
c) I might be having enough sleep, hence the return of dreams.
d) I need to read emma. <--- insight not gained from dream.

warez sounds like some kind of computer geek word

2004-01-24T10:16:00.000+08:00

Waking up early, on a cool saturday January morning, is never a good idea.

Not being informed of sudden changes in plan, also not good idea.

Then being awake and not being able to fall back asleep and resorting to, instead, reading irc channels and getting mighty depressed with people teaching other people illegal terminology 101. That, not a good idea.

It's sad, sad indeed. Need more sleep. That is good idea.

I'm Downloaded Engel Now

2004-01-24T00:30:00.000+08:00

After all that buzz, it feels rather quiet. I mean... it was really hectic, alarms blaring away, the constant maneuvering and combat... all over. All that talking. Emotional highs and lows all happening within minutes. Over. All 12 hours of it, finito. It sure ended really fast. Sure, I could have gone ahead and tried to get all the pearls and all the photos, but... well... not as much replay value as KOTOR. Still, Beyond Good and Evil was a fantastic game, very very beautiful, and once I get a new video card I'll play it with everything at max just to enjoy the graphics and the action once again.

And the story. That's what makes a game, IMO. Story. It isn't about the rag doll physics all the amount of blood you can spurt. If your story doesn't engage me, I'll stop playing. For example, look at Never Winter Nights. Now, some may say that I need to give the story time... but with already somewhat sucky gameplay, there's no time, sorry. I'd rather fire up some good old adventure.

In other news: There's a fine line between confidence and denial it seems. Sadly, sadly, some people just don't get it. Anyway, this American Idol doesn't seem to have a real underdog I'd like to support, unlike Clay from the last one (until he got popular then I got bored)... but we'll see. Maybe I'll support jazz singer dude.

Alysson Hannigan IS kinda dumb. Ah well, she's cute. Raspy raspy voice!

From a week back: The New Paper had a 2 page report on oral sex. One thing which bugged me was the girl who was against it: Not because she was against it, that's perfectly acceptable, but the fact they she'd unfriend her friends if they ever did such an act. Not only that, she goes on to say she's ok with homosexuals cos it's a personal choice. So... oral sex isn't? And I wonder... what do homosexuals do to get their, let's say, fix? Well, maybe one day she'll figure it out. Maybe she's homosexual herself. Sad little thing, this girl from a JC in the west. I suspect it's near Ghim Moh. Really ah, some people... they need Socrates to spit in their face.

And now, the time ticks away... it's time to choose a new URL. Now, I haven't been blogging for a while (hence the rather short scattered blogs, of which I carry some thoughts forward until I decide to blog)... in wait for a new url for one thing... and the other thing being Beyond Good and Evil taking up a sizable part of my time. I hope to have a decision by tomorrow, with the 4 of us.

The Shimmering Red Ocean

2004-01-16T10:02:00.000+08:00

Mark your dates: March 2004. By then, the Syberia II's demo should have been released. Since the full game is slated for a Q1 2004 release... there's not much wait left!!!

A-T: "Tell our readers in three words why they should buy Syberia II."

Cédric: "Magical - Jaw-dropping-graphics (1 word) - Emotions"
full article here

Perhaps (and I hope), that's why Syberia will work for me. If it even lives up to it's predecessor's totally awe-inspiring scenery and that little sense of magic captured in a game, it'll already be quite a good game. I do know some people complained the previous game was a little too lonely: all you had to talk to were automatons and perhaps a person here and there, many of which do appear kinda out of nowhere. People as plot devices. But somehow that loneliness echoed what Kate Walker would have felt: being totally alone in a strange land, surrounded by machines she didn't even know could exist, and the subsequent *spoiler removed*.

What makes it even more fantastic for the little fans of the adventure gaming genre is Sam and Max: Freelance Police, returning in Q3 2004 and looking absolutely great. I think I'll go buy pc gamer just to hold that page in my hands and know that it is a top10 game of 2004. Well, I hope it will be, but at the very least, it's LOOKING great. It looks way better than the next Larry Laffer game, and I'm not so looking forward to that, but I think I'll give it a shot.

Of course, my gaming timetable for the moment is filled with Prince of Persia (if I get it to run on my fanless video card) and Beyond Good and Evil, but I also will be accompanying George and Nico around various locations, discovering greater secrets, and then latter following Gabriel Knight, one of the Schattenjagers, or basically a hunter of shadows. I like that word. :)

Things are looking great, if not in the general front, at least at my front. I shall be surrounded by adventure games for a long time, and I like that. Yes, it's all about feeling that little bit of magic, suspending that little bit of disbelief (that you have to drop flower pots to get stuff from mud in Runaways) or just being caught up in that adventure yourself. I know nowadays that rpgs and even FPSs have very engaging storylines, but something is just different about the adventure genre that sets it apart in my eyes.

I hope it will go on. If anything I know I love the feeling of wide-eyed wonder each time I step into a new screen in Syberia or Arcadia, and the great big fat laughs I get tripping into the mystery vortex or bumping into Largo LeGrande. Maybe it's how I save the rainforest, or even the world. Sometimes it's also the smaller, littler journeys, one man's quest to save his girl or to get the girl. It's finding a new metal, or a whole new alien civilisation. It's all magic. Mostly.

Why is your Light Going Out?

2004-01-15T22:42:00.000+08:00

I blog 3 time today! Woot!

I'll try to keep it simple again.

Giovanni Trapattoni might be joining Spurs. I would love to hear this confirmed. I might not know much italian football, but one thing's for sure: It'll be better than Pleat, for the sole reason that now the players know that they're really at risk. Seems that he comes with some respect too.

Ok, first things first, the whole ignorable part of the blog slightly below was in some sense a reply to Dys' blog about basically well yeah whatever. I don't know. I went out, and I still did some thinking, some of which made me feel emotions. Now, of course, I'm actually a softie at heart, but yeah. I mean, it's these kind of people, holding their Rushdies (urgh, could anybody so lauded be more unreadable?) and what have yous, waving them in the air, and then later deciding that in no way should a comic ever win a World Fantasy Award again. That might have been a few years ago, but it sure pisses me off. It sounds like the parents who wave the Silas Marners (I'll read this one day) and the Thus Spoke Zarathustras (this one maybe not) at their kids, asking them why they while their time away on their Sunday Funnies or waste their time by trying to draw Superman in some new-fangled costume, or Wonder Woman in some new-bangled one. It might not exactly be the same thing, and I'm quite possible just putting 2 rather far out things close together cos they piss me off in the same way. I have been surrounded by quite many people so happy and willing to show off their intellectual superiority that... it just really irks. Yes, I must admit that I can be a showoff, I can be an ass. But at least I know it when I do it. Those moments bug me, whether I admit it or not. There's no such thing as equality, never was, but I pity the fool with the high IQ and the low EQ. You might grow up pretty successful, probably more than little me, but at least I might just turn out to be more socially acceptable, flawed as I am. I sure don't wanna die like Socrates.

No, I wasn't insulting Clay. I wanted to see if you would notice. Ok, I was just making jibes.

I mentioned wanting to dance, and then I get this. Now I am enlightened and shall dance forever. (The "this" is a link)

Peter Pan. I'm amazed how many people decide to pan it. Yes, it is, at it's very roots, a kid's movie. But I sure heard more adults laughing than the kids screeching. LOTR, is already so much more gay, but yet the moment I mention Peter Pan it appears that I have become both gay AND paedophilic at the same time. It suddenly seems as if watching a "Kid Movie" is suddenly way less respectful than watching Cameron Diaz in The Sweetest Thing or American Wedding or even Scary Movie. I bet some people would rather watch Underworld again, for it is for adults, than even stand near the queue for Peter Pan. It appears as if for a movie to be good, it now has to be sei, and not only that, it must appear sei from the beginning. It has to have blood and violence or large armies marching at each other. Well, a one-handed pirate and his jolly crew fighting off a barely dressed boy is not sei, then. No, it wasn't sei sei, but it was cool.

And let's look at one thing I forgot to mention: The special effects. The point when the kids start flying is already gazillion times more realistic than the third installment of The Matrix and it's dragonball fights. The point where Hook spins makes so much more sense than Gandalf's little jiggy on the floor of Saruman's chamber. It's good to see them making sense of technology, using things at the right moment, and never, ever zooming in on a cg of a human being. I know there's not one big wow moment in the movie, but it is a series of wows, little, smaller ones, but so, so amazing. Oh! And Jason Isaacs as the villian... from Lucius Malfoy to this, he's sure trying to give Gary Oldman a run for the money. But still a little far from Christopher Lee, at least in sheer volume.

You don't have to watch it if you don't want to. It's alright. But I'll probably catch it again.

Edit: Here's a hilarious review of a really bad game and here's some armour you can buy if you have spare change and like Halo.

Once More Unto the Beach

2004-01-15T15:02:00.000+08:00

Summary of super long blog post which is necessary on hindsight so now you can don't read the below:

1) Blogged on plam, ok but slow
2) Enjoyed Philo, Emma, Emma film( but not as much)
3) Forgot to mention that watching the Company by Altman seems like a good idea, but not impt.
4) Wasted some time
5) Lotsa good movies coming out, Jim Carrey featuring in many.
6) Peter Pan is a FANTASTIC film. Go watch.

Dancing Like Clayton Holmes

2004-01-15T13:21:00.000+08:00

Everything seems blurry now. It's not my vision, no, that's just lack of sleep, rather, it seems to be my memories, my recollections, hazy, muddled miasmas, ever ready to fade into oblivion, into a the thick mist, until the very moment I least expect it, I trip over what was not within sight, or has been lost, and remember once again. But happy thoughts float to the sky, sometimes offering glimpses, tantalisingly out of reach, and sad thoughts sink, always, to the ground. If only I could see, choose, select what I want to remember, if only I could fly.

But I'm no superman.

[Palm blog]
It has, once again, been an interesting day (yesterday), as some days have been. It also goes without saying that I should refrain from ever starting my blog this way again, for it does nothing, achieves nothing, wastes our time, both you and I, and surely impresses nobody but the simplests of souls. I should go on to add that I'm not trying to impress anybody, and that I'm blogging on my palm.

My palm needs a new screen protector.

First, about school. Philo. once again (gah) was fun. Monty Python made an appearence, that's always good, but couple with that still feeling somewhat out of my league, my brain was not built for such high functions. Still, lessons go on. I hope for debates in tutorials.

Writing is awfully slow, almost the whole 197 bus ride is done.

And next, my gem... I watched Emma! And learnt more about film technique and all that, that's always a joy.
[/Palm blog]

(Palm blogging IS really slow, especially since I underuse the writing option, the bus is really shaky, I'm really sleepy and as you formulate them words you write them down... suddenly the whole process is drawn out, slower. But I think I can improve.)

Douglas McGrath, now, that's some kind of madman. I'm not sure what else he's ever done, but his approach to filming a movie, even without me actually studying either the texts or film technique, would have just led me to groan anyway. It is at times heavy handed, and at times utterly underwhelming. Almost every little scene somehow manages to hit you with the strength of Obvious-man, you know, just in case you don't realise it, and woah, the way he tries to connect scenes. That was painful. I've seen times where sound bridges were used to great effect... maybe once, at most twice in a movie. He manages to use it about ever 10 minutes, and by then I was just about ready to hammer nails into concrete slabs with my head. Not a bad movie, but I guess with adapting Austen and trying to stay true to it yet somehow condense all that (internal monologues included) into a movie slightly less than 2 hours long... is not a great idea. But perhaps! He forgot the only people actually going to watch Emma were (a) the purists who love Austen (b) the poor students studying Austen (c) Girls who don't know it's not exactly Titanic and (d) the boyfriends who get pulled along (or the gays... basically (d) is Guys, of all flavours) Perhaps he could have somehow stayed truer to Austen's "vision"? Maybe, maybe not.

Still, having watched how conventional editing is done just makes me want to do one great big mind-screw of a film. To try to destroy all these conventions just for the sake of destroying them, and hopefully, just hopefully, have a story to back it all up. To confound people and destroy their views and expose them for being conventional themselves when they should be rewarding great new visions in this realm we know as film.

Ok, so maybe not a "great new vision". Especially not if it turns out to not even be filmed.

I'm now free of all debt. At least, I hope so. I think I still owe wai for Beyond Good and Evil, but it really just slipped my mind yesterday in the midst of monty python and philosophy and how randomisation is our friend. (Our friend!) Maybe it slid out of my mind as we gave Wai new names, like Brandon or Billy-Bob or Yuzhan or Basil (from Grace) and Gaylord. Maybe it kinda sneaked away when Jack showed that he was the true Gaylord, or when later I was accosted by one. Of course, Jack has returned to being Doom and maybe we should call Wai Woffles. At any rate, I still only owe a little bit of money. I am a free man.

Dance. Maybe I view dance as something fluid, something expressive. It surely isn't, to me, the square dance or something out of the gentleman's ball, and that dance, when accomplished, can be truly something to behold. But then again, come to think of it, aren't most performance arts like this? Sometimes I wonder if I could set my own achy, breaky body free, probably not, but at the very least sometimes my mind is free of it's shackles of this world, dancing, singing, acting freely, on it's own accord. Then I have to do things like Stats.

[Ignore this it doesn't make sense and I just wasted time on it]
It's interesting to see how people can actually hate the New Paper, and then read through entire articles of it so prove how much one hates it. It's kinda... weird. It's somesort of masochism, to stare at an accident with eyes wide opened, wishing they were shut, and then taking down the 4-d numbers cos later then you can have just that little something to boast about. "I survived the New Paper". It's no more about surviving the big walk, it's about the paper itself, now, isn't it? I buy the paper everyday, if I can get my hands on it. It is, other than the internet, one of my good sources for football news, so it's importance is never in doubt. Sometimes I get really funny and odd entertainment news, or news one wouldn't consider news, but hey, it's there, I flip thru it. It's almost as close as we'll come to some tabloid with a naked girl on page 3, at least one that I can read (English, thank you.) I don't see why one looks down on the New Paper, then Clancy, Eddings, Jordan and Grisham (all of which I don't read either, thank you very much) and then has so much to say about xiaxue, who's blog I read about 2 lines and quit. Some things are truly unreadable, but I guess since that mindless drivel is free, hey! Why pay 60 (soon to be 70) cents on a paper which is so full of sports? If one read what one likes to read, and hence only that which he likes to read (the way I feel Mieville is actually just a guy with a dictionary throwing words together without actually deciding on a plot, and being unable to create one from thin air unlike Carroll, who does, and succeeds most of the time), complaining that one has the right to choose what one will read, then why does one complain about what others read? If so distasteful, get away from the common-man, get away from the man on the street or the heartlander, and just go away. It's interesting to see how intellectualism has become such a high form of itself (I used to call myself intellectual, back in secondary 2, when all I saw was drivel on the IRC), but hey I guess it takes all kinds of people, and yes, making money is important. It is interesting to see how it has become the reading of the absolute elite, the return to the point where the novel in general was considered the trash (kinda like chick lit today) and that somehow they do nothing but say how everything else sucks. Not much in terms of improving the world there. In the end all that happens is losing touch with the common man (but oh! what drivel, why should I associate myself with such... trash?), getting that little bit alienated (but oh my! who needs friends when I have books AND fellow intellectuals) and probably losing touch with reality. (I lost my point here somewhere). I have no right to say what I just said, actually. Ah well. Erm, my point is that, erm, hey, read what you want, let others read what they want and why begrudege what others read what they want when you read whatever you want or something like that want want want want. My IQ just dropped a few points. Ah, Carnegie, save me from debates which I muddle myself in and am not sure where to go. I am misunderstanding everything. Channel through me your inherent stepping away from everythingness.
[/ignore]

I don't think I've been so excited about movies in a while. Hellboy is coming, so is Spiderman 2 and Big Fish, the Last Samurai and Kill Bill Volume 2. Jim Carrey (my favourite actor) is not going to appear in Eternal Sunshine, but he's also going to be Count Olaf from Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events. I am very, very excited. And then he's also going to be in The Secret Life of Walter Mitty, and from what I'm reading it's like a modern day Don Quixote and it's directed by Steven Spielberg. Jim Carrey, it's good to have you back. I haven't seen you properly since the Truman Show. There's so many other movies to be excited about, but hey, speaking of movies...

Peter Pan. It's truly wonderous to see how much of J.M. Barrie's tale I remember, if not from actually having watched the cartoon before, then it must have been owning the Audio-books. Now, this Pan is no Disney confection, actually being produced by the Al-Fayeds, and it is only now that I know that basically the script has stayed the same all this while, that Peter Pan was originally something people would stage, or at least had a certain script.

It is whimsical, ethereal, magical. It is beautiful. It is, for sure, one of the must watch movies of the year. I'm not sure what else I can say. It's truly amazing to see child actors do really so well (as compared to the abysmal Episode I: Dennis The Menace) and it is delightful to see the adults, along for the ride, being able to once again channel their inner child, the emotions we know we once felt that isn't childishness, but childlikeness (I think I've gone thru this many a time).

And there I am, getting caught up in the exitement, reliving my youth (left so far behind) again, laughing not because it is funny, but because I am truely, utterly enjoying myself (the last time was probably Pirates of the Carribean). I am making a fool of myself, finding images which I remember from days of yore, treasuring them as they were back then, and then seeing, as they get unveiled in their new skin that they are better, newer, but still hold within them the enternal youthfulness.

One complaint: Jeremy Sumpter is a great Peter Pan... except of some speech problems. I think he happens to have a strongish lower jaw which affects his speech. And a bit of his smiling. Small, small problems. I could probably go into the film in more detail, but do go for yourself.

This film isn't about how MJ should be acquitted, or how he should be allowed to never grow up. It's not about seeing Jeremy Sumpter's nipples (if you're so inclined) or how pretty some boys can look, or how we can compare this with Disney's old musical version or Hook and see which one's better. It's about belief (no Plato, thanks). It's about seeing the world, once again with new eyes. It's about spending time next to the person you love, looking at it with the same kind of eyes and enjoying that link (quite unlike, say, watching Adaptation and enjoying it while loved one goes: Ah? Similan?" or something like that). It's about how it's perfect for basically everybody but the most cynical and lost. It's about being a child once again, but being on the cusp of adulthood, knowning what you can and cannot let go, and then flying up, and feeling the fairy dust. It's about believing in fairies.

It's about pure magic.

And it made me cry.

Living in the Second Story

2004-01-13T16:00:00.000+08:00

Ok, I've decided to not tack on any more edits on the poor little post below, it's going to get lost.

It's time for celebration. Unlike last semester (of which I blame Japanese), I've managed to get the first 4 choices for my tutorials. Yay! What a stroke of luck. Which also means most of my tutorials will be with people I know, so there ya go, a less lonely (during school hours) me. And of course... I don't think I chose the very popular timeslots this time.

But it also leaves me a 3 hour break on thursdays. :/ But that couldn't be helped, rushing from science to arts would have been killer, and I've done it more than enough last sem, so no more for me, thank you very much. And it also means Tuesdays free! Woot!

Not a very inflective post, but who gives a damn.

My little secret

2004-01-13T12:41:00.000+08:00

I type this as I am in the midst of my stats tutorial 1. I type this not in frustration at how thick this module can be, nor do I type this as I bang my head against the wall or the monitor. Definiately not the monitor, my LCD is fragile. It does not deserve the damage I render unto my head.

I type this as I totally enjoy using R. R, the statistical programme we're using now in our stats module, in lieu of last semester's MiniTab and expensive and professional SPSS (which I've tried using before, once at work, and then the programme kinda died on me and the computer then proceeded to be infected by a virus, hence causing the machine to be only able to run CM3 and Diablo2, which kinda works out in the end, for me) can be seen, in a sense to be inferior to MT and SPSS in a certain way: it lacks a proper GUI.

It runs like a heady mixture of Unix and Dos, and more Unix than Dos actually, for it is only like Dos in it's command prompt interface, of which Unix has, and hence it's runs like a heady version of Unix. Now, I've only touched unix once, about 7 years back and I can't say I remember much, but yeah, it's very like unix. And it's like programming. It's like some obscure version of C which evolutionists forgot to do something about.

Maybe I don't know what I'm talking about, but one thing for sure is that it's too easy. All these command prompts probably look like gibberish to majority of the students, but it's actually very simple and logical. R, in flight, is a marvel to behold. It is in fact deceptively simple to use, barring the lack of nice little text boxes for us to fill in like Excel, but hey, who needs them? And I suppose, if lucky enough, some people might be able to find a GUI add-on to R, if it's even been programmed.

I like R. You all should like R too. This tutorial is the easiest stats tutorial I've ever done ever.

I wish the rest of the semester would be like that. Except that, well, everybody's going to do this tutorial well.

EDIT: Oops! Heh.. made 2 mistakes. Good thing I checked... finishing a tutorial in 20min not a good idea.

Another Edit (Making it a habit): Tutorial 2 just came out fresh! 5 min ago it couldn't be accessed and now... SO FRICKING FUN!!!!! Will do some programming, my lab report and then this. WOOT!

The Day the Sun Went Down

2004-01-11T19:24:00.000+08:00

Once again, I feature a comic I just love to read.

Somehow this run was really funny to me. It's either the flatulence... or just the idea of wearing glasses...
(it's a little squished, if you wanna read it properly do pay the main site a visit)

Edit:

Your element is Earth. I hate to say it but you are
down to earth. Stubborn and loyal. You tend to
want to nurture others and you are the one
person friends always come to for awnsers.
Without people like you others would be flying
over the edge because, whether you know it or
not you keep a steady beat to your life and
will end up where you want to in the end. There
is a sureness about you that is hard to match
that draws people to you. No matter what
happens the Earth keeps turning.

What's your element
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Be my Yoko Onomatopoeia

2004-01-10T17:29:00.000+08:00

Go here and feel slow

It's interesting to be so friggin sleepy.

EDIT: I'm not sure what I was thinking when I said I was sleepy earlier. I think it was the lack of sleep talking, but no, I'm not sleepy.

Furthermore, looking at the latest Fantastic 4 comic coming on.. I'm am wowed, indeed. 2004 must be the year of the FF (No, I shall not call them F4!! Grrr... friggin flowers), what with ultimate FF already being published, and Mark Waid and Mike Wieringo sticking on the main title. I'm no FF fan, but hey, with all this, it's easy to see where things can go. Scott McNiven (of CrossGen fame, as was Josh Middleton) is doing a SOLID job, and in the preview pages I've seen online I'm amazed. Add the fact that professionals came by the thread by the dozens (dare I exaggerate? yes.)... I think I'll be watching this title.

Not too late to prepare for the FF movie, is it?

And Tom Hanks as Iron Man! Is it just a rumour?

EDIT EDIT!!!!!: Did I say Tom Hanks? I meant Tom Cruise!!!
And yeah, those who did that relax thing feel free to enter your

Poking the Mind's Eye

2004-01-09T00:58:00.000+08:00

Oh, the nerve! The audacity! How dare a lit student presume to tell me about lit! Why! The sheer presposterousness! (no offence really, the rest of the post proceeds to just show how ignorant I am.)

Ok, I'm no expert on genre definitions. When I read, say, Tom Clancy, I'd probably shelve it under political thriller / books I don't read. When I read Jonathan Carroll, I'd shelve it under defies definition / fantasy horror. When I read Romeo and Juliet, I'd shelve it under movie adaptations. So, as you can tell, I'm no expert.

So here's the story of Emma, succintly put. Girl falls in love in the end, swooning involved. Now, that probably happened in quite a few stories, such as Star Wars and various movies in the same genre or with Harrison Ford involved. I mean, when I pick up the book Emma, and see the name Jane Austen, I think of what the target audience would be. Obviously, chicks, or men very in touch with their inner female / male lit students without a choice. When Austen wrote the book, it would obviously sell, for that was the period where literacy, especially amongst the middle class (women), was on the rise, thanks to the printing press. Novels, back then, were considered trashy. Poetry and drama were still something to be revered, and the novel something like the bastard child (the same way film was, before they invented Kurosawa). Let's say Gentleman A, of good repute, goes to buy a nice book to read. Placed next to each other is Emma, by Jane Austen, Pride and Prejudice, by Jane Austen (again), and The 50 Greatest Horse Carriage Explosions Caught By Pencil, by Really Q. Artist. If he was shopping for a lady of the house, he'd buy 1 or 2 books (depending on his budget / how much he loved the woman or wanted her to read and hence shut up), by Jane Austen, but if he were to enjoy a good read (in his own opinion, and probably mine) he'd get the book with nice carnage involved.

Things haven't really changed. Now we have cars, of course. I'm not saying that Austen is entirely chick lit, no, it's no way like Fabio Does France and Fabio Does France Again (After not being able to think of other places starting with F), or even any of those stories with very chiseled men on the cover carrying a lady off to the sunset. It's also nothing like the slightly more modern variation, where they have sex for fun (yes! not only guys do that!) and/or discuss Manolos. But still, the target audience is still female, it involves a very engaging/simple love story which is the whole aim of the book and well, yeah.

So, in my general opinion it's chick lit. That's not to say it's not a classic! No siree! Jane Austen is rather ranked up there, if not by me, then by thousands and millions of other people. It is a classic.

It's also classic chick-lit.

Soccer for Socrates

2004-01-08T21:07:00.000+08:00

I'm trying to answer the philo questions. Feel free to copy my points of view, that makes me more correct and hence superior.

1) Since this is all about personal preference or something along those lines, for me I'd protect the close family member to the best of my ability. Should the scenario would come up that my parents (or one of them, or a loved one) would be guilty of a transgression punishable by death, a degree of selfishness would definately enter the picture. Yes, the law is supposed to be equal for everybody, but then again, nobody mentioned that I had to be a law-abider. Of course such an anarachic viewpoint won't serve the discussion as much. Putting myself in Euthrypro's shoes or a close approximation to it, however, would appear to have me indict my father whatever the cost, even at the end of the "debate" with Socrates. Then again, to talk to someone whose debates are irritatigly simple and later simply irritating would probably provoke one to refuse to budge even more. The moral rule of everyone having to be equal doesn't actually appear in my head, inasmuch as it's an altruistic position, and possibly a good position to take.

Perhaps one basic point we can see is how, inasmuch as we'd like to be rational beings, most of our thought processes are irrational, especially when we jump quickly to defend our own position, whether or not the foundation we stand on is shaky or non-existant.

How many crimes go on in the house that is unreported? How many children steal from their parents, and all that they receive is a sharp word or a slap? The person at the top of the household sets the rules, and perhaps this is their law. Sadly the murder of the helper was not as simple as that.

2) Another thing is how right and wrong are in fact in the eyes of the beholder. Does what the Greek gods do become a standard to live by? Especially as, as Socrates would probably mention, that their stories are written by the hand of man, and they are hence also given very human attributes. What then, allows the people who pen the myths the ones who can set the difference between right and wrong? We also see how the line between the other may not even be an obvious one, that what is dividing the 2 is fuzzy at best, such as what is holy and unholy. It would appear simple, as it is to Euthrypro, that it is something simple to come to conclusion to, but of course Socrates manages to totally destroy that thought. That is probably not to say Socrates is atheist, he possibly thinks the gods the Athenians look up too are basically too human to hold as examples to live by. I shall have to learn more about Socrates tho.

3) How would one deal with Euthrypro? It may sound defeatist, but yet quite possibly it may involve someone doing the same unto him, as he had done unto his father, then would he be able to see something from a different light. He currently stands on a higher moral ground (in his opinion) and to suddenly be brought down by Socrates, who even goes to the extent of professing to be "simple minded", would be a great shock to someone who feels his is of a great mind. What's holding it up? The belief that oneself is right, especially since Euthrypro does not one to look like a fool in front of everybody, especially after being chided, and then continuing to stand his ground.

One good thing one might want to do is to try, as Socrates did, to work out everything before coming to a conclusion. But then again, that would probably involve the ability to see things from all angles, and being human (a great excuse for doing wrong) we're prone to having our vision occluded by family or love or hate. There sometimes is no right view or the "wrong views" can somehow be rationalised, just by virtue of being thought up in a mind different from yours.

Debates can be good exercise, but it can also go out of hand. Sometimes the best way would be to step back and allow the dust to settle before trying to continue. Conceeding, sometimes, might be the best path. Of course, that may also invovle being utterly gutless. Still, we have Socerates digging holes in everybody's thoughts... not everybody likes a smart aleck.

In other news, I am now a proud owner of From the Teeth of Angels by Jonathan Carroll. I AM SO HAPPY!!!!!!! Ah, Jonathan Carroll, I shall read! Jane Austen: I have to read you first. Boo.

Also, I've been listening to Funeral for a Friend's Casually Dressed and Deep in Conversation. Somewhat metal and a little bit rock (don't get me started on defining genres), once again, I love the nice little acoustic-like track Your Revolution is a Joke, the one that just goes a little bit slower after all that head banging. Sure, there's the pre-requisite angst, and some screaming, which I think can be really dumb (that's not singing) but the melodies really just hook you there. Why did I choose to listen to this band? Look at it's name! PHWOAR!!! It was either this or try Elbow, and Elbow's just this thing connected to your arm parts. I might give Elbow a chance later.

Plato Does Pilates

2004-01-08T00:58:00.000+08:00

Before I go on any further, let me proclaim that this, yes, THIS! Has been a Wednesday. It's now Thursday tho, but as I was writing this in my head - as I am prone to do, it is in a sense, of course, good form and perfectly fine in my own view, of which occurs in my head - it was a Wednesday. Hence, it has been a Wednesday. Do not refute that, it will do your no good to argue against my perfectly perfect point of view for arguement's sake.

A day of 3 (count them!) different lectures, of 3 VERY different teaching styles, and of a wild dumbass "Hi I'm being a jock/ass" once again. Of course, I'm not a stupid asshole, other people (person) are.

First things go second, so the second thing now comes first. The second lecture of the day was the very interesting and intimidating PHILOSOPHY, also known as (aka) Reason and Persausion. After 2 hours of mind boggling text, I now totally realise why I never had the philopsical persuasion. It is over my head, and my thought processes are only suitable for something as complex (preferably less) as KOTOR.

Speaking of KOTOR, it is good. Go play KOTOR. Do not pause to wonder what it is, you know what it is. It is KOTOR. Go play KOTOR. Or not. It depends on you, I guess. I won't force you to play anything, well, maybe, other than KOTOR. Go play KOTOR.

Onions have layers. And parfait. Kueh Lapis too.

Now that the second "major" occurance has been split, I shall go back to being conventional again, by all means necessary. That, of course, involves, talking about philosophy. Now, imagine going thru a lecture about Socrates, and each time his named (and his Satyr-goat face) is mentioned, to think about him being THE FRIEND OF HEMOCRATES. Now, if you get where "Socrates, the friend of Hemocrates" is from, GOOD FOR YOU. Hint: It's from a game. Want more hints? Orichalcum. Now go think about it, and do not google it. Really, everybody should know this. IT IS NOT FROM KOTOR. Did I get waylaid again? Anyway, I think it's going to be good going, other than too much reading. And yes, I should look past Hemocrates. Begone! Friend of Socrates! Maybe you voted against him! Or did you veto his thoughts? And to that guy who laughs at every single joke the lecturer makes, funny or not, yes, you know who you are, I know who you are, and "You are out friend", PLEASE STOP DAMMIT. Slamming the door... ah... so, utterly, Jockish. Good way to tell the lecturer to end the lecture too (not my lecturer). But why does Holbo have to walk around in headphones? Interesting. What's he listening too? The extracts of Plato? The spice girls?

Next up: What went first: Stats. This Kuk dude, from New Zealand, the most beautiful land in the world, is very sadly... lacking in New Zealandish, in my point of view of course. This, being my blog, allows me to be open to such persuasions, and of course to ignore all other forms of reasoning. That and that comments box is smallish. And it seems only I blog on comments. Anyway, he should lighten up a little. Really. He's not boring, but just extremely strict and totalitarian. Like a mini police state. We WILL make noise, and grumble about R language (our seniors got the excel and SPSS-like minitab... SPSS is quite fun, btw. Tried it before for work and then destroyed it)... But anyway R seems rather simple to use, somewhat like a mixture between unix and programming, which actually kinda works hand in hand if you think about it. Comparisons with DOS are wrong, since.... it's wrong. It's totally unDOS. Maybe qBasic, but not DOS. (Disk Operating System, i.e. pre-Windows, and not Denial of Service, internet freaks.)

And then: Popularising the Classics. About 20 people showed up for the lecture (which was planned for 120)... intimidating indeed. Still, Dr Edna Lim, while looking rather waifish or even elven, is a great lecturer, especially since the small group size does allow for better interaction, in a sense. One or 2 things to note is that she's rather young (but a Dr) and she seems to be looking at it from a lit person point of view while I'm like doing mental thingamajigs by thinking very filmish. I shall shoot an email down one day just for fun... try to do a little reasoning and persuasion. But really, I felt my day in NUS ended really well. Next on, of course, is chick-lit country, the mother of mills and boon, Jane Austen. Gah. Something about her makes me think she's from RGS. Or something.

Then, off to ACJC. Today was campfire, and I sat in ACJC, walked all over the place, reminisced a bit, and read Emma abit, saw how ugly the new smiley was abit and basically stayed there, lost in my own thoughts, from 4 to about 6. Good stuff. A stranger in a known land, and it was fun. Dinner proceeded, nothing much there, and after that it was back to school, and watching VERY PAINFUL SKITS (or please save me, Singapore English Language Theatre) and VERY BAD SINGING (too bad no Sound of Music) and of course "DON'T WASTE MY TIME". It's my favourite tee-shirt, but I must give it a rest for a while before I totally wash the thing to shreds. It's really quite funny when the (VERY BAD) emcee asks us to read our tee shirts and feel what it means: The noobs had ACS: Our hopes or something I kinda forgot, and me had: Don't waste my time. So cool! I feel like a jock. And of course, good thing we sang the school anthem in the end... otherwise it would be a waste of time.

Don't ask me how I write this in my head. Or actually plan it.

The Point of this Triangle

2004-01-06T17:03:00.000+08:00

Before I go on, let me just say that in afterthought everything was becoming incoherent. Do ignore if you so deem fit.

After cycling for 50 min (only, I started to get very hungry, am going to grab a bite), not much has changed. I think I might have a tan, or not.

The Picture Perfect Paradox

2004-01-06T15:49:00.000+08:00

Home, once again, on a school day. But of course, that's not to say I have no school, rather, I just have no lessons today. That's going to change tho. Tutorials are coming, and philo has a rather interesting nuts and bolts thing... which I may or may not go for. That depends.

Been, of course, trying to read my reading, and if I get what they imply correctly, actually mean I have to read them to have a semblance of a passing mark. At least. I'm somehow stuck between printing out the entire reason and persuasion right now, or buying it from the co-op, which should be cheaper, but might take time. And I like my paper. I'll think about it as I mull over Plato's Euthryphro. Fine reading indeed, I hope. It's really interesting to be reading things I'd thought I'd never be reading: Plato (philosophy in general) and Jane Austen (chick lit in general). Don't get your arms up, I'm sure Jane Austen did something for women's liberation, but I don't really care. That, and philosophy is really too... difficult for me. I'm not sure there's a point anyway, all this philosophising when you could be better off reading comics or playing football or just listening to good music. Why think so hard? Were the Greeks so free as to be inclined to think about stuff? Philosophy is lost on me. Maybe I'm just too much of a jock, you know?

I'm not sure where my point is leading tho. Except for the fact that yes, I have found the gatsby adverts online, it took me only 5 mins. But it took another half an hour watching through all of them, and remember, downloading them might be a problem unless you have the requisite software. Viewing is also a problem unless you have quicktime, of which not all the adverts are converted to, and wmp, which I believe sucks (the net backs me up) and hence I don't have. One thing for sure is that I cannot believe that they even have storyboards for your viewing pleasure. The ads, by themselves, are pure insanity at the very least.

Oh, and they're in Japanese. Nobody's singing "clap your hair" in a language most of us understand.

I think I'll go cycling once more, today, to clear my mind. It's really windy, which is a good thing... as I mentioned, that's what it's all about. That odd semblance of freedom.

Speaking of other blogs (about 2 blogs ago), I was visiting another one, from some person I've known, not very well, for quite a bit of time. I've roomed with that person before, for a short while, but that was it. Of course, you, being the person, should know who I'm talking about, but I think you don't read over here, so I can say what I want, and furthermore, it's my enemies I'm making, so it's my perogative. But basically whatever has been happening has been interesting at least, and I'm glad to have a bit part in the general stupidity of it all. Happy stupid.

Just wondering: when I was doing my KOTOR blog, (a) what did Peter think I was talking about and (b) Didn't you all catch the very very stupid hint that would actually reveal what the blog was about without reading the end of it?

Thinking: If you want to blog, however, always, always, just write. Maybe take some time to formulate those words, but the moment you start censoring, then you'd better be prepared, cos that's the way it's gonna be from then on. Don't regret it later. I feel great odium and disgust when somebody whines about how their blog isn't what they wanted it to be. Don't be a dumbass. You made it that way. Unless you have utterly no control over cognizant thought, then I BLAME YOU. So don't be silly. If you wanted to write, write. Write unabashedly, if that serves your purpose. Occlude the truth if THAT serves your purpose. Pretend to be somebody else if you so want to. Don't regret it later. Do not ever feel pressured to write because people are clamouring for an update... that just dilutes things. If you don't update, maybe there's good reason "readers" don't know about you know. Of course, since I don't always practise what I preach, I will tend to bug anyway. Sometimes I worry that people gone incommunicado have actually died.

I think I'm done thinking.

Eulogy for Yesterday

2004-01-04T12:49:00.000+08:00

I'm still thinking.

Ah, The Norm. :)

Still thinking tho.

Begging for Small Mercies

2004-01-03T16:32:00.000+08:00

Modules are, for all purposes, kao timmed. Kao tim oh! Kao tim, kao tim, kao tim.

That, and uni's going to start. It's scary, really, once again doing some modules all alone, but with a class size of 18, you're more than likely to be alone. It's a good thing to be able to bid 1 pt for every single module other than the hotter than an angry Hottentot IT1001, which cost a pretty penny circa 1775. Still it's interesting to think about the whole applying for a minor and then dropping it method o spend 1 pt on IT1001... it would have been... possible. I guess.

It's been a rather interesting time to live in, the past few weeks or days. People dying by the tens of thousands and the new airbus. What next? It's interesting how the death of a single Cantopop singer can evoke more public opinion (and more newspaper articles) than the quake in Iran. And in all this, we see how some things never change, like the refusing to accept Israel's offer for aid. We also see how some people, in all their fear, also refuse to accept aid closer to home, turning to other means, and in the end, damning oneself. Would Anita Mui have died if she had accepted treatment from the beginning? Sometimes we are all very human (as we all are I guess), with fears we cannot shake or prejudices we cannot look past. It's a tragedy, but there is almost nothing we can do about it. It's also interesting to note that a naked politician probably got more attention than the quake in Iran too. Being human, we are also very stupid.

Ah, the new airbus. To enjoy that leg room... I must......... LEG ROOM!!!!!

I've been reading a few random blogs here and there, mostly sombre affairs, some very very sad indeed. Some of them looking up from their (self-written) abyss up to the shimmering gleam presented above, and some of them constantly looking down instead, hoping to find solace in familiar footsteps, or no solace at all. It's disheartening to see people redoing their blogs entirely after the sudden realisation that they've unleashed a monster they've failed to control, perhaps while pandering to popular opinion ("You should blog cos it's funny!") or just losing sight of oneself, perhaps portraying oneself in a light very different from what you think you should be, in the vain hope you do not reveal too much for the passersby to suddenly come up with a whole picture of what should have been a very enigmatic blogger. Is it losing, or losing track of oneself?

And that got me thinking.

The Melancholy of a Sunlit Night

2004-01-02T17:33:00.000+08:00

One of the reasons for this blog, other than utter nonsense and keeping up with a trend 3 years passe already, is to just try to write down the sudden utterly odd thoughts which pass through my head. Ask yourself, or anybody who knows me properly. They come by the bakers dozen.

So, for your delight (or not), here's one of them.

Remember when there was first Flowers for Algernon? Then Tears for Fears, Requiem for a Dream, Bowling for Columbine and their copycats like the Centre for Disease Control and the cheap imitation, Three for 1 Dollar. And now, in the vein of all that, here's my very own: Carrots for Shadowfax.

Gandalf: See ah, I blow whistle.

Across the valley the sound of thundering hooves echo, and far away, along the horizon, a white speck appears.

Gandalf: Darn it.

Gandalf proceeds to wipe the white speck from his glasses.

The sun begins to cloud over, shy for being embarassed but the utter lens flare surrounding Shadowfax. In it's gleaming white coat, the king of all mares appears replendent in it's ethereal pearl white beauty.

Shadowfax: Neigh.

Gandalf: Nah, carrot.

-end-

My Silence is my Violence

2004-01-01T20:56:00.000+08:00

This first day of the new year is barely even over. It's quite far from it, especially if you're living in, say, Alaska? Alas, I'm not too good with timezones. I guess it has really been a fun night, of course, rather different from the ones preceeding it, even in venue alone, but no way am I going to nitpick and compare, for as long as we had fun in familiar company, that was good enough already. But since we're in the mood for comparison (I can sense it), compared to the last say, 2-3 years, this one was better, where you feel no urge to create light conversation out of nowhere with some people while wanting to just kick back and relax with the people you do actually know. You don't actually have to waste words. Anything before 3 years ago... am not too sure, can't exactly place all the occurances for sure. But I quite believe the first 1 or 2 were the beautiful ones too. Maybe the lack of alcohol helps?

And yes, the first day isn't even over, but yet the first tears of the new year have been shed. Twice. It's not that I couldn't bear the over-sentimentalism of leaving the past behind (I should be rather used to it by now, except it does come over to pay me a visit once too often), or that you're in the comfort and pleasure of friends, and not common flavour Johnny-acquaintence. It's not even because of the great overwhelming influence of a grand countdown, shouting out loud, outdoing the neighbours (and your friend's little kid shouting in your ears all because of some obscure challenge you were never privy to) and just watching the previous year cumulating into pure arithemtic and champagne. It's not the sadness of leaving on a roller-coaster, a jet-plane, a horse-with-no-name or being left behind, away from the past and the people you wish would never feature again, except as guest stars in the tragi-comedy where they spill hot tea on themselves.

Twice the tears were shed, and both had very different reasons. WWE Smackdown: Here Comes the Pain and Ghost in the Shell: Stand Alone Complex.

WWES:HCTP - Playing multi-player with friends is always funny. It can't not be funny. But this time, the work of one (mad)man made things really bad. It's interesting to see how the create-a-wrestler function can be used to create such horrific violations of nature. I bet Michael Jackson uses it to come up with his new looks, but seriously, I can't write it out to say how dumb it was, except I was tearing to the point of crying, and my abs were spasming. It was that bad.

GITS:SAC - I should have been very prepared for this. I had been warned, far ahead, for perhaps a month or 2. But of course, for sentimental old me, that was never enough. Perhaps some of you might still be tempted to catch this rocking series, so I shan't reveal what exactly happened, but then again, knowing what would happen still caused me to go "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" like Batou going "MOTOKOOO!!!!!!!!!". It's a little sad that the last episode seemed a little too tidy so that the next season mostly starts on a new slate.

Okok, back to programming. Nerds and geeks love programming!

Taking Your Hammer to My Heart

2003-12-31T18:09:00.000+08:00

*snort*

It's been a pleasure, to say the least. It's been nice knowing you, feeling you out, watching our lives together make a quick twist and a fast turn. I can't believe how many times I was caught by surprise, and then had to wear a big grin on my face all because of how clever you were. I couldn't have been less prepared, but there I was, stunned, jawa agape.

At no point did I feel really bored with you. Sure, there were moments, at which things got draggy, and I felt whatever I did didn't matter at all. Sometimes I wasn't sure if what I was doing - or not doing - would have made a great change to how things are right now. I spent my nights awake, wondering what if I had walked a different path, or just tried to do something different. It is with much regret that I in the end resorted to doing the most cliche of things, wondering if I was betraying what I set out to do, or not. Maybe I shouldn't have depended so much on what was to come, knowing you'd bring me there, but instead tried to forge my own path, whether you could help it or not. Fight the cliche.

But of course, there was only so much fighting to be done before the silence descended. It is a sudden emptiness, where the great crescendos fall, the choir muted. But the period right before that, where the music sang one of the greatests songs on earth, when I felt so great, but also a bit saddened. That things had come to an end. That I had to quit.

Maybe I'll come back to you again someday. But for now, you'll rest in the corner, snugly. Tight in my memories, tight in the cd-sleeve. Tales of dark jedi and money-grubbing Hutts never grow old, and hopefully, neither will this story. Those who do want to play it, however, can always borrow it from me. I only need reminding.

Happy New Year everybody. Many more to come. Stick around.

The Exquisite Pain of Feeling Vulnerable

2003-12-29T02:08:00.000+08:00

The past few days, like all days, were days with much potential. Staying awake was important, and in reverse, sleep just happened to take up too much time. These days had promise, offering up so much to see, to hear, to smell, the experiences only something you could shelve away, carefully, maybe one day digging up for a smile and a little dance, when dark thoughts cloud the mind.

These were the days of laughter and joy, and of quiet recollection. To sit down quietly on a bench beside the sea, listening to Singapore's little waves just lap nicely up to the shore, watching the hours-old sandcastles getting washed away, like a memory flattened forcefully. To see the azure eyes of the Husky panting at you as you scratch it behind the ears. The thoughts passing through your head, wondering if only dogs could purr. Or if cats would wag their tail, eager as the husky. To smile at the little kid who tripped but could get up again, to catch up with his mother jogging a few steps ahead. These were times for the strengthening of the mind and body, of daily trips to the gym, toning, preparing for the year ahead, vowing never to be disabled by short bouts of exercise. Times where reading was caught up upon, and everything else ignored, filling the mind, once again, with delicious fictions. Fact can, and will come later.

These days were for the chasing of old friends and older enemies, to thicken the bonds that bind, and to reforge those that were torn asunder by silly words or quick fists. To find out about times long past, to revisit them, as if there, but never. To see what shaped your acquaintences while you weren't there, unable to look, unable to mould in the subtle way a friend can.

And then, at the end of these days, to look up into the sky, and see the slowly crimson fire of the sun wane into the deep blue darkness of the night. To see the doves fly back up into the trees to roost, and to look down at the people below, unwilling to give up being awake, and trying to milk the night for what it's worth, that perhaps, these days, these beautiful days, would never have to give way to a new one.

But of course, I didn't do any of that.

I played lots of KOTOR (WOOT!), watched lots of movies, and met up with friends, and had lots of fun. Twas a great time indeed.

Highlights
1. LOTRROTK again. Finally got to catch the first 20min
2. Watched Indy 3 with Sam... FUN FUN FUN.
3. Went out for a quick buffet at Sakae with MG and the DD crew... Fantastic stuff, and ate some weird stuff I'd never have considered.
4. Went out with Sam (and Kak and Grace) to watch Love me if you dare. It's number 1 in the french box office for good reason, and yeah... if not for the cuts it'd be a much better movie. But Grace, said it right. It's like adaptation and malkovich and perhaps even donnie darko all rolled into one. Good stuff. Trippy.
5. Had a nice little GEP reunion... saw people I usually wouldn't see, and talked to them too. You know, Weili's really kinda cool, liking his evangelion and his star wars. Things I never knew. Is it too late? A night playing pool instead of going to S-11 or Sentosa (dumb idea IMO)... silly crazy whacked out pool is always fun.
6. Went out with Sam to look at the Freaky Friday.. all sold out. Ah well. There's still Bartimaeus to read.
7. Played KOTOR.
8. Did I forget anything?

heh... nice days indeed. You know, when I call wailiong Kak... sometimes I think of my email mailbox... my inbox to be particular, which I renamed Kak when all the emails in it got virused by... you got it, kak. Sometimes maybe... just maybe... I should go there and dig out old emails... and think about times past.

Or maybe not.

In which people discover their inner French.

2003-12-25T23:29:00.000+08:00

kakita *module sadness* says:
but french box office hits might not be very popular
if jack is anything to go by

Direcow *I am Ronin!* says:
jack isn't actually popular opinion.
neither is most of us

Direcow *I am Ronin!* says:
ze problem i forsee is ze people who want to take ze day off and zen have ze super long weekend

kakita *module sadness* says:
i zee

Direcow *I am Ronin!* says:
yes?
good. my english eez not veree... what is ze word? good, non?

kakita *module sadness* says:
oui

Direcow *I am Ronin!* says:
i used good two times? it is funny! I laugh! Haha! Haha!

kakita *module sadness* says:
eet eez... ow do youu zay.... acceptable. ho ho ho! zat is vehri funny.

Direcow *I am Ronin!* says:
what time shall be ze movie?

kakita *module sadness* says:
i must remembair to tell my pouddle ze funny joke.
eh.... four? oui?

Direcow *I am Ronin!* says:
ah? you pouddle? Hoho! Eet eez... very merriment, non?
Oui. That eez a good timing, yes? We shall then be... what eez the word again? Accompaniment? Non... non... ah, meeting?

kakita *module sadness* says:
le jouke! hoho! hoho!
ze word... what eez eet.... accompanie! yes.

Direcow *I am Ronin!* says:
I see zere iz ze four timings? Perhaps eet ez earlee, good?

kakita *module sadness* says:
eh? Pahrdon, my english.... eet iz not vehry.... useful? excellency? ow do you say?

Direcow *I am Ronin!* says:
Forsooth?

kakita *module sadness* says:
nyet. ya koshka

Direcow *I am Ronin!* says:
You bloody pussy you. I'll have you strung up and force fed with liqour!

Direcow *I am Ronin!* says:
But yah, back wid de qveshun yah?

Direcow *I am Ronin!* says:
Woulda too or da for timing be better, yah?
.
.
.

dys says:
ze idea, eet ees pretty goot. our francais, it can be improved zat vay.

And so the story goes.

In other news: If anybody sends me a "Merry Christmas" SMS from a number I don't know, I shall be replying with: "Merry Christmas to you too, kind stranger." You know, just in case I might know the person. Tell me if you know of any such incidents so I can place a name to the number. I've had enough of weird random wishes of merriment, good as it might be. (Marry Christmas! This is a special multiple post day!)

You know so much about the nightmare before
christmas. You must research and study it as
much as I do. I have loved this movie since I
was a kid and studied it very hard.
Congratulations.Please Please Please vote for
my quiz.

XxThe Best and Most Challenging Quiz of The Nightmare Before ChristmasxX
brought to you by Quizilla

And of course, interesting how I've never watched it (in it's entirety) before... Probably caught 20 mins.

Merry Christmas, and I have just discovered the title function.

2003-12-25T18:44:00.000+08:00

If this doesn't add to an already very merry Christmas, I wonder what else they'd surprise us with? Half life 2 at my doorstep tonight?

Ladies and Gentlemen, dust off your rusty brains, dig through your old cd-rom drawers and dig out The Longest Journey. Laugh. Cry. Feel wonder. Amazement. Joy. Place those cds into your drive and relive those precious memories again.

And then dream of what the sequel might bring.

(But of course, first back to KOTOR and concurrent Broken Sword 1-3 goodness all in a row. I've never been so spoilt by constant good dialogue writing.)

And now, for a little gem.

Ah, the memories.

2003-12-24T20:16:00.000+08:00

Congratulations! You're Sam!

Which Lord of the Rings character and personality problem are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

But that's not important.

A bit of totally mindless funfun, if you would say so.

Anyway... wow. After playing countless hours of Championship Manager, which I must say has been a TOTAL blast, I finally decide to pop in a bit of KOTOR.

I now have come to the conclusion that no more Champman for me.

Seriously, KOTOR is, in a word, FANTASTIC. I dunno what to say, really. Words somewhat fail me. All I do know is that I'm really excited to be roleplaying. I'm really excitied to bring forth the character I want to portray, which I haven't ever managed in other games like BG or NWN. It's not a matter of having less options this time and hence an easier time. It's all the matter of actually knowing what kinda kick-ass jedi you want to be.

And my character doesn't even know about the whole Jedi thing yet. Gambling games which involve fun, getting light side points each time you help the downtrodden or dark side points, how the points system affects your character portrait... It's all so immersive. I've never felt so immersed, other than, perhaps, fallout, in an RPG. Wow. Really. Character development is even better... you know how your aides in BG bicker, same as for fallout? It's here too, and now they actually become full cutscenes in a sense. And you can prod them on to bicker even more. Whee! (Note: I've never played much BG so don't go comparing my experience.)

I've dabbled in RPGs quite a bit in the past few years, from Anachronox (stopped playing once I got too riddled with quests) to the Japanese Learning RPG, Slime Forest, to NWN and of course Fallout. KOTOR has met all that I required of it. I am back to proper RPGing again. I am rather pleased with myself, that's for sure.

And of course, no gaming is complete without some good old adventure gaming. I'm glad Broken Sword: Shadow of the Templars is giving me good respite against the stress of combat and/or managing a team, for a whole different stress level altogether. The good thing is it's so well written that you just want more. And it's simple enough to have you rattle your brains without resorting to a walkthru. I've resorted to it once. I feel like a bad boy already. (insert perfunctury laughing sound)

Geriatric badminton... not a good idea. I still ache BAD. Sitting down gives me cramps. I am incapacitated. Walking to the phone is a bad idea, and so is leaving my chair in front of the computer (all the better to play games with I say). I shall start getting fat again. But if anybody were to request another round of geriatric badminton I wouldn't mind at all.

It's Christmas time, so Marry Christmas all you readers. I must say it's still a stressful time (especially since bidding is on)... and just the other night, as I was singing War on Drugs to myself on the limp home, I walk into 7-11 for a new paper and... over the speakers, piping in, a mournful voice pleading, "we are all changing". Apt, apt indeed. Sometimes walking home, or taking the bus home alone gives you lots of time for yourself (if you're not reading or sleeping) and sometimes you just get back to thinking... what went wrong where. This time, however, it was how I've seen so many people change around me... so many of them come to new conclusions and new directions to take themselves in. We are all, definately, changing.

But yet, here I am, still the same. The same old me. I even look the same. So, if you've just gotten to know me, it might as well have been that you've known me forever. And a day.

But that, of course, isn't true. *smirk*

2003-12-21T19:39:00.000+08:00

Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow

Now, if that title just doesn't scream to be watched already... will Jude Law help? If it rocks your boat there's also Gwyneth Paltrow and Angelina Jolie. And a certain Bai Ling whose name I just cannot place. That and Giovanni Ribisi. A joy to watch, always. Dogfights and over the top CG... add to that.. it's not done by Americans! (I think they're French, or if enough CM4 playing has helped, Dutch). Maybe American immigrants? Ah, I dunno.

The Lost Skeleton of Cadavra

This might also be interesting if only for how stupid it actually is.

and of course, Eternal Sushine of the Spotless Mind

That just needs to be watched. Really. Totally. It's amazing how Jim Carrey can really push himself in dramatic roles by actually looking LESS rubbery. Somehow the academy never notices. Truman Show, you should have won everything. Peter Weir too.

Anybody up for Master and Commander? Please?

And of course, the Spiderman 2 Trailer is now out SO GO AND WATCH NOW. If you can't find the trailer, you're a loser, and you should go watch other easier to access trailers. That, and now that I've watched it in it's 17" glory (instead of the dinky version the last time) I can comment properly. It's interesting, the casting of Alfred Molina as Doc Ock... It's really good. He's tubby enough without having to cause Molina too much heart problems (IMO) and his hairstyle is updated, but yet so... Doc Ock. It's great. I have problems with the how the car flies in at the beginning tho. It's a little wrong. Not a VERY STRONG trailer in all accounts, but let's hope they save the best. I'll watch it already. For sure.

In other news, I am now prettier than thou art. Even after warnings of extreme pain and twitching, I still went (really, THANKS to my mom. Egads) and am now part of the metrosexual club. I am so ashamed. But pretty. Pretty ashamed I guess... and I now have to go back for another session. Good thing is they took out a lot of gunk including what was troubling me. Please do not trouble me about all this.

Ah, no more black heads. (Which was not what was troubling me. It was troubling my mom.)

In other news, I stayed over at Raffles the Plaza last night. It's interesting, the sensation of how you still can feel like such a tourist... a stranger, even in Singapore. Maybe I just don't go out enough. Hotel stays are fun cos they have cable tv and hence football, and movies like Black Hawk Down, Forrest Gump and The Sweetest Thing (which wasn't so sweet, but heck, Cameron Diaz). 2 things of note is probably the sign languange choir, which was very charming (and I finally know how to count properly which was a problem for a long time) and... err... eating crepes? MMMMM... creepy crepes. Also, saw a lot of stars like Lim Kay Siu and Selena Tan picking out Christmas trees (I think it was her) and just 2 shops away were Shiek Heikel (STOP LAH-ING YOU IDIOT) and Julie Wee, looking heavily made up and also making me wonder if I was a stranger. Probably am, being not very remarkable or memorable. Sometimes it's good to blend in.

But... back to coding. This is really pulling teeth. (Or black heads. The pain was overrated.)

2003-12-21T15:45:00.000+08:00

Ah, Christmas...

2003-12-19T18:09:00.000+08:00

Maybe I've just been going out a little too much the past few days. There's now this sense of impending doom and total unsettledness that lies deep within me, ready to burst out with it's tendrils of tenacity and then do stuff.

One thing for sure is probably the impending doom coming from 2 directions, and dire directions they be. Basically my bad grades. And of course, my lousy coding. Both of which are entirely pertinent right now.

One way to fix things, of course, it to try to NEVER EVER take a module in which I have to do alone. It just really sucks. I mean, sure you don't have any distractions, but with my mind, there's distraction enough as it is. I need somebody to release a stray thought once in a while so that I can continue to concentrate on the task at hand. Of course, there's the exception to the rule, a great one at that, Film and History, but look at Japanese (totally, UTTERLY alone), and of course Biochem and Genetics (of which I had 2 people in there I knew before entering NS.. maybe more, but basically 2 that'd I'd even care vaguely about). It is very very lonely, and I don't mix well with humans. Call me a wuss, for example, but that's just probably displaying the facts right there, that I just don't hang well. I hang vaguely well, which kinda tricks people and then me, and then, of course, they go back to whatever people they can call friends while I grapple to stay awake. Thank goodness for Film and History. Maybe I should go into movies in one way or another.

Right.

Coding, coding coding. I can barely HTML to save my life nowadays (header or title first? wait.... or is the title in the head?.....) and then of course I have this whole php project where I know creatively steal code from everywhere. It's quite a learning experience, and I'm already doing better than my last project. But I think I'm better off thinking of what needs to be done than actually doing it (from years of practise). Ah well, but it's back to work for it. I have to keep driving, and also return my php book which I currently deem: useless.

So what did I do after getting really depressed and a little bit sick of coding? I went to sleep and had a funky dream. Not that I planned to (I planned to get a good rest) but that's what happened. Something along the lines of a haunted mansion of sorts, interestingly. Maybe my trip to penang affected me in ways I never knew. Damn you, Eddie Murphy! But seriously tho, it's interesting to see how, when you're called upon to help your sister or find you sister or something, you come accross a room you know is haunted, and is a little dark, and has your sister inside. Before the dead infidels take your sister away (and make your dream a labryinth clone) of course your sister has to taunt you to come in, and of course you realise you've been here before, only in another dream (I'm serious, for I remember remarking that hey I've dreamed this room before so why am I dreaming it again?). So you go in, see an old lady pop up from behind the wallpaper behind the bed of which appears empty. The old lady happens to look pixelated too, as if when she's stretching the wallpaper from beneath they didn't have enough money to get a higher resolution texture for the wall. Anyway there was movement on the couch on the far side of the room, of which I was going to check out and LO AND BEHOLD! My sis pops out from underneath the sheets on the bed. Then I'm joined with my cousins (somehow) and we proceed to see a dark shadow at the window during each lightning strike (sorry I do not know how to spell shillouette) and then we see the evil pale looking rastafarian of doom just peeking out next to the pixel pushing lady of bad textures. The couch has disappeared, replaced by the wall where the window is. So my cousin walks around, the rastafarian tried to grab her (and possibly infect her with the dreaded dreadlocks) but I manage to grab her back, fight with great strength the titanic tug of war, win and then wake up.

Which means it's back to work.

"Only in the WWF could a wrestler turn heel via iambic pentameter!"
From the wrestlecrap mailbag page. I found this really funny, really. The mention of the number 313 in it as "a mechanical reference to a leaning object" is also hilarious in itself.

Good stuff, that.

2003-12-19T13:25:00.000+08:00

Sem 1 Examination for SCIENCE 1

CM1121 BASIC ORGANIC CHEMISTRY B
GEM2005 FILM AND HISTORY A
LAJ1201 JAPANESE C+
LSM1101 BIOCHEMISTRY OF BIOMOLECULES C+
LSM1102 MOLECULAR GENETICS B-
ST1232 PROBABILITY AND STATISTICS B

That's interesting. My A for either chem or genetics didn't materialise, and I should have applied for SU for Japanese... on hindsight. I figured that out on the way home a few days back.
Stats with a B. Interesting.

2003-12-18T12:25:00.000+08:00

Here I shimmer,
Shimmer by my shimmer I shimmer.
Shimmering for your shimmering shimmer.
I drink your shimmer like the shimmer of shimmer.

My shimmer is shimmered by your shimmer.
Your shimmer of shimmering.
Such shimmering is my shimmering shimmer.
The shimmer of shimmering.

How can I shimmer you if you shimmer over my heart?
My shimmer is shimmered by your shimmering.
Your shimmer of shimmering shimmer.

Shimmer.

This shimmer shimmering shimmers of shimmers.
I would shimmer your shimmering if it meant
I could see your shimmer of shimmers.

Such shimmering.
Such shimmering.
How I shimmer for your shimmer of shimmers.

Shimmer.

(ok, so shimmer is not a kind of food. It could be, to the goths.)

2003-12-18T12:13:00.000+08:00

Kak, not unable to enetate, for enetations suck:

"duh. about the speeling and caustic abrasiveness and virtual verbal verbosity anyway.

And.... aren't scholars selected for their excellence in a certain SUBJECT? How such said excellence can pertain to leadership I will never know. It's almost as bad as just spinning round blindfolded, pointing and then saying 'hey! you'll be a leader!'"

2003-12-18T11:33:00.000+08:00

Everytime I look at Verbal Virtuose I just see Verbal Verbose.

Yeah I know LOTR can't be considered sequels in the strictest sense of the word, but as I mentioned, that's only because they were filmed/written that way. I mean, Peter Jackson could have just decided to film the 3 books as one large movie (like the cartoon) or maybe film Hobbit as part 1, and split LOTR into 2. But, errr I lost my point.

Also: KOTOR is probably not the same as "The Dig", but tell that to the kids who grew up with KOTOR instead of Dig. But then again, also remember that, at the very least, it is a return to greatness.

Leadership:
Now, having been in positions of leadership before, I know how much it just totally SUCKS. Especially if you go in with the wrong mindset, or you're just not meant for it. Also, having been under positions of leadership before, I know how much leaders totally SUCK. First let it be also known that I'm not a good leader myself.

Look at it this way: Leaders are there not only to lead, but to serve. That much not many leaders understand, only the good ones. It might sound silly to some, but that is how it is. Unless you happen to be herding a group of miscanthropic llamas from the andes, then, well, you don't actually have to serve them cos no matter what they just keep spitting back at you. But that usually isn't the case, cos spitting is a crime and we don't want to be caught by the ISD (shudder me).

Leaders sometimes are chosen for all the wrong reasons. Perhaps sometimes they are chosen because they have an imposing stature or a very deep booming voice! That way, Darth makes a good leader, and we can see how he led the empire. But of course, if the big show was a good leader he'd be marrying Shane McMahon or something. I mean, seriously (not my strongest suit), that is all just a surface thing, and it'll fall to bits sooner than you can correct all the spelling mistakes in my blog.

Sometimes they are chosen because they can lick balls/pussy VERY well! Good for them! Keep licking, and keep me feeling disgusted.

Sometimes they are chosen because they are most talented in their field! This really happens all the time... perhaps in the vain hope that their skills will permeate around and then cause everybody to be equally talented. (then all can become leaders). Or perhaps it's in the hope that since they're good, they know what kind of standards to achieve and how to coerce and force everybody to behave the same way! Let's hear it up for the automaton choir!

Sometimes it's because they are scholars. That, my friends, is the WORST kind of leader EVER. THE UTTERMOST CRAP. Just think about it. I am too disgusted by how the lives of our men are wasted away while scholars become officers and then proceed to mismanage everything. All this utter inability is stunning to say the least.

Not everybody can be leaders. Some pander to their men too much and end up being trodden all over to the point that he can no longer command respect. Some are overly strict, and end up being hated. Some just utterly suck (SCHOLARS WHO THINK YOU'RE GREAT LEADERS CAN YOU READ THIS IT'S IN SOME KIND OF ENGLISH SO I HOPE IT'S NOT TOO LOUSY FOR YOU OR IF YOU'RE A CHINESE SCHOLAR: NI HAO MA? FA KE YU! VIETNAMESE: SHING SHUNG FARK YU! But no I don't hate all of you, but some of you really do no justice to that piece of paper you have.)

It's not easy leading anyway. Sometimes not everybody wants to follow. Some people are just hobbyists in the whole anarchist thingamajig, or some people, apparently, have 2 left ears. No matter what command you give, they just CANNOT listen right. It's really quite infuriating, but of course you take it out with the wall you smash when you're stressed.

I think I've lost my mind somewhere along here. Basically, there are good and bad leaders, and obviously there are VERY WRONG WAYS of selecting leaders, but not everybody even understands that. And of course sycopantry blinds the selectors even more. That is sad.

And I have nothing against scholars. Really! But I totally agreed with one minister who said that the scholars are bringing the country down in a sense. Somehow you suddenly expect the muggertoads to be great leaders. I don't see how. (Remember, not all scholars are muggertoads, and not all muggertoads are bad.) Somehow, somehow... it's just sad to me.

Dear reader, if you're ever put in a position of leadership, please do it well, and if you can't step down. It's not a loss of face. It's for the greater good. The moment you feel a wall of discontent, ASK WHY. And if you're ever a follower, try to remember that leadership isn't easy at all and there are too many positions to fill for too little good leaders. Sometimes you have to make do with the inadequet.

And my bad speeeling. (And if I wasn't brash and abrasive this blog wouldn't be as fun to read, I think.)

2003-12-17T12:26:00.000+08:00

I really like runaways. I really do. It's fantastic stuff. Runaways is good. Go read runaways. And look at this art: SWEET. It's not but the usual suspect (Alphona I think his name is) but hey it's sweet. It's my favourite kind, nice, bold lines and very dynamic. And shading isn't crosshatched but good old (new) computer shading. I like the colours. Takeshi Miyazawa ain't half bad!

VERBAL VIRTUOSE:
You are the verbal virtuose that we would all like
to be. You read a lot and write effortlessly
and well. Everyone is waiting for your novel!

What kind of blogger are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

From Pete's blog (see the linky link over there? I have linky links.) I find this extremely funny. Yes siree, wait for my novel, but in the meantime, why doncha all just give me some money up front, you know, as payment for my great Singaporean novel. I think I'll something close to all of us, like the story of Sang Nila Utama. Musangpura!!!!!!!! (And those of you who know my old blog, no worries, I won't turn it into a quiz-whore land again.) I really should redo the quiz again.

1 of the reasons why I did start blogging again (other than some people wanting to see my mind works, or just you know, cos I'm only good for a few laughs on a bad day) is also cos I should stop blogging on Kak's (linky link!) blog's comments, or Grace's for that matter. Hmz. I wonder how I should name people. Kak's kak and Pete's the Catholic War Machine. I should stick to something. Guys, do tell me how to name y'all. Sam's Sam. It's not me loving Azuresque, it's loving you. So there. You have no say, Bwahaha and all that jazz. (Ok you do. Please spare me.)

You know what's wrong with Quizallas? That they can be extremely wrong too. If they're right, I still subscribe to my belief that it's only because that the "description" is so generic that, well, I'd fit into almost every description. Or is it just me being generic?

Kak (linky.... argh nevermind) mentioned Gene Rottenberry's Star Trek (is that how you spell it?) in reply to my blog below... Something I haven't really watched. (1 episode of DS9 and Deep Contact I think. Deep Contact? First Contact.). But suffice to say, yeah, inasmuch as I don't understand it much, and probably hasn't done much for humanity as a whole (other than create Galaxy Quest, for that, Gene, I salute you) it's still the same. Don't you freaks understand? You're raping our collective conciousness by giving up crap and pretending to stay true to it. Stop pretending. I remember somebody mentioning how you could make each FF seem like a rehash of previous storylines, and he's right. But at least the girls are pretty, and I'm not really bothered cos I don't console game. I wish they'd port ICO over tho.

It's not that all sequals are bad (like I mentioned I think). I mean, LOTR is FANTASTIC and only gets stronger (LOTR TODAY!!!!!!!). But that's because it was filmed that way. Just because the way you write leaves room for more money making adventures means you go ahead and do such things. If anything, you much just show how inadequet you are, like the Wachowskis. Let's look at Monkey Island (ignoring MI3 which was like making Guybrush rape LeChuck). MI2, barring the MOST STUPID ENDING EVER, was a great improvement over MI1, while keeping true to the classic. MI3 (ok I had to mention it) tried to explain away the ending... but... suck is suck, and explaining suck in more suck is even worse suck. MI4... well... if you press the shift key while pressing 4 you get $... so... errr... it's better than MI3. Kinda a return, but just... lacking that bit of something. Fallout 2 seemed better than Fallout1, and Baldur's gate by general consensus was improved by it's sequel. Of course, we have expansion packs doing better than the original, like what I hear about Hordes of the Underdark (Underdark... could very well be describing my armpits). It can be good. But you know why? Cos people are dedicated to it, and properly too. And usually it's the same crew working on it, so... you know, it tends to be of the same vein. It's not like some game company buying the rights for some X-com sequel and then deciding to churn out derivative shit. If I wanted derivative shit I'd play the games I've played before again.

Pete: I don't care if it's pretty "dull and boring". As long as it's pretty. Seriously. I visit all the time. And I just wish to read more, for I don't totally know the guy I've known for so long. So, in a sense, inasmuch as "read my blog to find out about me" is kinda a crappy idea, but it happens. So... everytime a week goes by with no updates I get really worried.

The problem about self-depreciation, in my opinion (it's all my opinion here I think) is that when it happens, unless for humour, happens to be just tasteless or have no reason. I'm serious. I mean, I know I'm not perfect, and I know everybody isn't perfect (and some are less perfect than others like Bush) but that's what makes us human. The moment I see someone I know who can do so much better or has so much potential just deride themselves it just irritates me to no end. I might do that too, sure, but well it just puts me off. So there. One thing I've said to myself is to always have confidence, and never fear. Never ever fear. (Other than those damn flying insects). Sam climbed a mountain! I am so proud of you. There is so much you can do as long as you have faith. (And a bath later, apparently.)

There's so much of our dire past that we can dislike and hate. There's so much that feels like fingernails on chalkboard. That makes you just crings or just kill yourself. Maybe suicide is just painless. But I'm glad to see... that well, there's just so much love out there for you, tho it may not be apparent, that just makes you raise your head and move on. Of course, your thoughts keep coming back. Suicide is painless, but only to you (of course you could always choose to slowly bleed yourself to death and that might get mighty painful especially if you decide to do it via papercuts). Right on, pete. Right on.

One more thing I'd like to add: Osten. Why did he quit? Cos that's what his job is. He's a equity trade manager. So what does that mean? He cuts his losses. So basically he's just doing his job. Can't really blame the guy. Who told me this? My mom. She's so smart. :)

Sam's back! And LOTR today! Woot!

2003-12-17T01:16:00.000+08:00

Err.. for all you 3 readers: You can actually comment.

You know, FYI.

2003-12-16T13:57:00.000+08:00

take a look at this.

Cliky!
Cliky cliky!
Click!
Clickoo!

And then cry. Sob quietly.

For it has already been cancelled.

FUCK YOU INTERPLAY. By gamers for gamers? When I first saw that tagline and played fallout I was totally entranced. It seemed like everything that tagline meant came true. It was awesome to say the least.

Damn you interplay. Sometimes I just feel very betrayed by cancelled games you wait forever to come out. I mean, yeah, it happens or the time. But 2 examples strike me: this and Full Throttle 2. I mean, yeah, knock 3d-ness. Say that 2d to 3d conversions may never work out totally (look at Duke Nukem 3d, then look at Warcraft III). But you know what? I don't frickin care whether it's in 2d or 3d. If the effects are better, good, sure, fine, choose a good dimension to have it on, but the most important: Story. Or at least staying true to it.

Perhaps what leads to a even higher sense of betrayal is basically VERY CRAPPY STORY. That's when you feel really cheated. That's when they take the characters you've known and revisitied and really grown to love so much that you begin to know how to think in their shows, how to fight like a cow, or even know the stark differences between your world and theirs (2 adventure game references right there). I mean, seriously, for Full Throttle, I can understand the apprehension that a different crew is working on it, but the same arguement goes for Sam and Max 2. Steve Purcell... what? If he's in, he's just an advisor. Dammit people, do it properly. Don't try to cheat us and milk our money all because you know we'll buy it no matter what. You ain't the Wachowski's. You aren't George Lucas. But somehow everybody just wants to be like them. Don't get me started on Larry Lovage and Al Lowe. You can't call it LSL anymore. It's not the same. It might be a small difference to you, and "we'll try to stay close to the spirit of the game". But you're digging your own grave. Do it badly and bye bye bye.

It's interesting how sometimes people who weren't directly involved in the project, and only later managed to enjoy it as a finished product somehow become the only ones who know what "it's meant to be". To know what is meant and not meant to be. I'm quite sure the uproar at monkey island 3 was rather big... it was totally different from the first 2 installments already, and personally I didn't really like it. The humour was missing, and the designs felt wrong. No matter how many rubber tree competitions it had, well, it wouldn't make it right. Not quite. Still at least there's a nice easter egg to "reward" the fans who would otherwise possible feel even more cheated. It's not the same as the Duke Nukem jump from 2 to 3d, for there at least we know it's just a wham bam anyway, and I'm quite sure some people just loved walking up to the strippers and giving them money to see pixellated boobies. Whatever rocks their boat. I was definiately more pissed off from duke 1 to 2, when Duke became this egotistiacal maniac on top of being a world saver. I hated that.

Sometimes I doubt Lucasarts knows what an adventure game is anymore. Well, at least we have KOTOR.

We've seen what Lucas has done to the prequels of Star Wars (you aimed at the wrong demographic you idiot) or the Wachowskis with the wonderful world they grew (you ran out of influences to pick up on didn't you?)... I shudder to think what might happen to the Indiana Jones 4. And I shudder to think what might happen if they touch Commander Keen or who knows? Reader Rabbit. For every good movie or game there just has to be some bad sequel right? Seems to be the rule of thumb... Legally Blonde 2 for one example.

I wish they'll do more of the X-men 2 kinda stuff. Give us something to really mark out for, not just pretty graphics or the fact that it's going to be released. Give us something solid. Please.

And stop cancelling our dreams.

Fuck you Interplay. By Businessmen for NooBs.

2003-12-16T13:19:00.000+08:00

I was brushing my teeth this morning before I went to sleep and I realise that I'd made a mistake: I never used to call him Wubes. It was Wubbie (either way I don't think he liked it)... sweet wubbable wubbie, in, of course, an actually rather unwubbable way. But still, there it was, my mistake. And as you brush, your mind wanders, and I started wandering who else was called wubes... actually nobody, but then I started thinking about chubes i.e. the worst sitcom in the history of Singaporean TV, barring Masters of the Sea, but we'll leave them alone, they've been knocked about already. I was thinking: Why on earth would Tan Kheng Hua's character call her husband... something which rhymes with pubes? Unless, of course, that's just what she's been thinking about.

But.. What's there to like? Pubes? BAH. The only purpose I know it serves is the "trapping" of pheromones so that... well... there's a nice strong musk and all that jazz. But seriously, you'll not really going to get it unless your face is down there, or and if you face is down there, it's sure going to be a hairy situation. Long straggly hair that gets everywhere... the worst thing is finding it in bathtubs or on the floors and bedsheets of hotels. You just... don't feel very clean. If anything, pubes should be abolished. Nice, smooth baby skin IS the way to go.

But that's me brushing my teeth.

I was also thinking about this very blogging. If anything it's meant to be somesort of window to the man not too many people actually know lots about cos I don't always talk too much about myself unless I feel comfortable, but that's a given for most people anyway. But if I'm going to be honest, well, this is where I lose "friends". I'm quite sure my best friends have all known be well enough that I'm just extremely abrasive and insulting at times (throw some sarcasm/sarcatism into the mix) I think they're the ones who've managed to look past that. I mean, if I were just to shoot my mouth I'd be insulting everybody out there. But that's cos nobody's perfect. Especially Wubbie. Hmz... Or maybe cos I talk about pubes. Off subject matter really, but it ain't all out releasing of sexual tension as I know some are prone to do.

But we'll see. Is this where I lose my friends? If so... possibly, quite possibly, no loss I guess.

Sam... come back.... come back..... waiting for your call.

2003-12-16T01:48:00.000+08:00

Well, one thing's for sure, I'm not going to do any finetuning soon.

Maybe later today.

Well well... There we have it, another season of survivor is over. I have a few stray thoughts before I go to bed:

a) Nice trashing of Lil... from the moment Darrah was out I was rooting for Sandra. Why root for Darrah? Heh heh heh...
b) Still, not much of a winner... rather uninteresting. Once again, the worthy ones don't actually win. Even Jon might have made for a good winner, tho honestly I still thing Rob did a way better job of playing people without having to resort to histronics.
c) Rupert... Rupert...

I went for some cycling today just so to lose some of that extra waist I've gained, but of course I don't think it's effective unless I stick to it, like all of these exercise programmes. Still, it's fun to go out there all alone, with the wind in your hair just going on and on. I think, right now, I can really ride with some good confidence... today I ran into a group of m*ts (well, not literally) who was taking up my whole lane... managed to stay as close to them as possible, getting a hand in the chest in the process which was light, but hopefully that gave them a warning. Idiots. Seriously, if you wanna walk on the cycle track, don't take up the whole land AND swing your hands around. What was more fun was being distracted, looking forward and braking swerving and continuing without missing a beat. That was cool. I am mighty pleased.

d) Lil was really DAMN IRRITATING. She should just go back to her boy scouts and read them bedtime stories. Seriously... you can set up a fire but you can't survive on less food? Or fish? What do they teach you in scouts? How to get lost? Seems to be the general consensus. CIP: Greg... but he's getting better ever since he's not in one.

I've been trying really hard to finish Runaway... resorted to a walkthru... but so far it's been interesting (most adventure games definately are, when compared to, say... playing hexagonal based games or flight sims or *shudder* golf) but the pixel hunting and some totally illogical bits of story don't help it much. Still... it's a good warm up... before the Broken Sword Trilogy.. WOOT! And of course, some CM4 on the side. Interesting how I only cheated once (to beat liverpool... quit twice) and managed 4th place with Spurs. It's nice to have a good set of youngsters to bring your team up. Dean Richards can just shut up, and ARSEnal won. Bullcrap.

I wonder what's up with KS... maybe I should call him? The movie thing... might be over already. Ah well... :/ Should put more planning instead of just imagning in cinemascope and then try to make Kak do stunts. It's no longer wirework when... you could describe the person to be skinny as a wire. No offense tho... you're putting up those muscles from swimming! Right? And that tan from monitor radiation with Gunbound and all that jazz.

I've been still receiving mail from sarcatism boy cos it can get interesting... today's was funny. He (and his delusions of grandeur) decided to design a t-shirt to wear to the LOTR movie trilogy screening. Of course, he's this really great designer! Designed many a poster for the army. T-shirt says: "I had survived the LOTR movie trilogy"(sic, and read it CAREFULLY). On the back are totally random quotes which totally make no sense, and have almost no reference to how grand his grand (butt numbing) journey is. Now THAT totally made my day. Not good cycling. THAT. Wubes (rhymes with pubes)... you just crack me up with your honest ineptitude. I shall refrain from replying to his emails... he is still prone to sarcatism... and I must get more. (He did send an Arwen wallpaper once, which I might have used if I actually use wallpaper. Good on him.) And of course, he is very proud of it. And it's off to the printers already. How nice the world turns. I wish him the best of luck. I shall watch my DVDs again! Yay. (Oh, he got first row... maybe second row seats too. Good for him. Bad butt AND neck.)

You know, I should make fun of him less. But what's the fun in that? Still... the t-shirt. You HAVE to see it to believe it. I'll try to get someone to host it. Something has to be said about how one can make exclaimation marks funny.

Possibly more later.

Sam... come back.... :( Come back...

2003-12-15T21:46:00.000+08:00

Here's a little treat for everybody right now: A rather empty blog. It's not that the mind is empty (I hope), rather, the finale of survivor is coming up in a few minutes.

This design also needs mighty finetuning.